BIRTHDAY - HOW DO I GET THROUGH IT ?

by Grieving daughter
(UK)

Dear friends,

This is the first birthday without my precious mum.

She was everything to me. Best friend, confidante,
and we had been so many deaths together, including my father, younger sibling which she had started to talk about before her death.

I am going to spend my day alone and I am dreading it.

Everything reminds me of her music, flowers, and above all kindness. Whatever life threw at her she was always kind and had faith in others.

Thanks for sharing my heartache.

Comments for BIRTHDAY - HOW DO I GET THROUGH IT ?

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Feb 06, 2013
Birthday - How do I get through it?
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Grieving daughter. I am so sorry for your loss of your dear mum. WE are all with you in your sorrow. This is the big question. "HOW DO WE GET THROUGH IT."? We do it one day at a time. WE cry when we need to and we find someone we can trust to support us in our pain. You can go and see a CRUSE Bereavement counsellor who is trained to support those who are unable to handle their loss. None of us knows how we are going to react when we lose someone close. It can frighten us facing the immensity of this loss. There is so much attached to life and so much attached to Death. But we should not take on this battle until it comes to us otherwise it would rob us of the joy of living each day. Find some purpose in life in your own time. Have something to look forward to, because staring hard at those empty lonely days fills one with dread and fear. We wonder how we will make it. All we can see is the mountain and it can swallow us up. So taking one day at a time helps. One day at a time is all we are given by God. I try to live each day as if it was my last so that if it did become my last I would have TRIED. I would have done my best. I would have tried to put to right any unfinished business. This grief pain is something we wish would go away quickly. But it has a process to Heal from our loss and this is where we develop patience.

Feb 06, 2013
First Birthday
by: Anonymous

Jan 13th 2013 was my mom's Birthday. She died Oct 29th. Early in the morning, I could sense a feeling of dread.......so I quickly got dressed made sure I went to church,(my particular church brings me lots of comfort (it is very upbeat) and stayed busy the rest of the day......when I could run away no longer, it was around sunset,a beautiful sunset. I looked up to the heavens and said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY 3 TIMES. I ALSO CALLED 2 OTHER LADIES THAT SAT WITH HER IN LAST DAYS......AND I SHARED MY FEELINGS WITH EVERYBODY WHO LOVED HER, SAT IN HER LITTLE COTTAGE AS SHE LAY DYING, AND WOULDNT BERATE ME FOR CRYING.
I AM 54, AND SHE WAS 78. THANK GOD SHE WAS HERE TO CELEBRATE MY LAST BIRTHDAY. I KEEP WATCHING HER YOU TUBE TRIBUTE, BUT I HAD TO TAKE HER PICTURE DOWN.....I PUT IN IN A DRAWER FOR RIGHT NOW

Dec 17, 2012
My Birthday
by: Rita

I understand your loss all too well. When my mother got sick I did not even think about death. I told my friends she would get better and I believed that with all my heart. As I was standing in Hospice I realized that she was dying and very quickly I realized she would not be here for my birthday. I cried so hard that I thought I would never stop. My Mother passed November 20, 2012, only six days before my birthday. It was the saddest birthday ever. My husband took me out to eat and I cried all through the meal.

I am sorry you lost your mother and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make it better, but know you are not alone. Sometimes I feel so alone in my grief but then I think about others who have endured this pain and I know I will make it through day by day. You hang in there. One thing that has helped me is to wear my mother's pearl necklace. I wear it daily and think of her smiling face, however that sometimes brings tears as well. Many Blessings to you.

Dec 12, 2012
BIRTHDAY - HOW DO I GET THROUGH IT?
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Grieving Daughter U.K. I am sorry for your loss of your mum and loss of happiness on your birthday. How does anyone get through the loss of a mum and family member EVER? It is the worst pain any of us could ever bear. To be ALONE. To suffer LONLINESS. To have no one in our life or our world to go through life with? This is real PAIN. RAW GRIEF. I am a Mum and My 3 Adult children are living their own lives. They take me for granted that I will always be here. It is only when I am gone that they will wish for these times back. But I guess this is how life behaves. I try my best to be a Mum to other people who come into my life. I give them what they need. So anyone out there who needs support, Love, and just to talk. you can email me at your convenience to: doreenelkington@aol.com. Life is so very sad for so many people ALONE at this time of Year. I have just joined this group of being ALONE. The air is full of Christmas songs and joy at this moment and it is so very hard for all of us grieving to enter this atmosphere of festivity. I am sorry for your loss of having someone to celebrate your birthday with as your mum did. It is these type of anniversaries that intensifies our loss more. Whatever you do. FIND someone you can spend some time with over the holidays. Join a club, an organisation that will open up your world and give you a reason to live and carry on the kindness your mother left you as her legacy. May You be comforted in your sorrow and grief.

Dec 11, 2012
me too, maybe
by: Anonymous

My mom passed away in May. I recently had to go through my first birthday without her. This doesn't happen as often is it did a few months ago, but I keep expecting her to wake up. All the firsts have been difficult. I'm not looking forward to the holidays. Are you?

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