Birthday Without My Dad
by Down Under - Mikri / Horse
(Sydney - NSW)
This coming Thurs 24th June is my birthday, the first of many which I will be without dad.
I thought after 8 months of dads' passing that I was okay and finally coming out of that black cloud and getting on with life.
Well it feels like I've hit rock bottom again these past couple of weeks coming up to my 37th birthday. I have been feeling really low and missing him so much.
Friends want to go out and celebrate my birthday with a dinner, as we have always in the past, but things have changed, I don't feel like celebrating at all, for the first time ever I don't want people to remember my birthday. I can't wait for the day to come and go so people can stop mentioning it. I want to scream at them all to back off and ask them how can they expect me to celebrate after loosing dad!
I know they are only trying to pick me up and be there for me, but it's driving me crazy. I feel like I'm letting them all down if we don't go out, yet I feel like I'm letting myself down and hiding my true feelings if we do, as I will just sit there and pretend everything is ok, yet feel like screaming and dying on the inside.
This thing called GRIEF . . . . does it ever stop and disappear ?
Any feedback and suggestions etc. would be appreciated as I don't want to fall into that horrid black cloud again which surrounded me for so long.
Thank you for listening and warm wishes to all.