Blessed with 64 1/2 years of marriage
My husband passed away on August 2nd from small cell bladder cancer. Even though he was in hospice care and we both knew that his life expectancy was just a few months, it was a shock to me when he died and I stayed in shock and denial for almost a month. After about a week, friends stopped calling or coming to the house and my pastor has not made a single call nor visit to see how I am doing. I have a cousin and his wife who called and asked how they could help and I had a few things I did need help with and they came over. The first thing his wife said to me was to ask if there wern't volunteers at my church that could do what I had asked them to do. This was after my cousin told me that his wife had decided they weren't going to do for my birthday what they had said because she didn't want to do it. I did let him (my cousin) do one of the things I needed help with but didn't mention the other 4 things. I finally had enough, my nerves were on edge and all I could do was cry. I am so hurt that no-one really understands. I am an 82 year old woman and have no other relatives close by..I have a daughter and son-in-law who live in the Virgin Islands. We had a son who died at age 48 in 2010 and a 20 year old grandson who died last Christmas morning. I have made up my mind that when someone ask how I am that I will say "fine" because absolutely no-one wants to hear that your heart is broken, that you barely can get through the day, that you spend hours crying, that you wish someone would just sit and listen and not say that your husband is better off. To sum it up, I feel like I am going crazy. It just hurts so much. Being numb and in denial was so much easier but now the reality of his death is just overwhelming me.