boomer

Wife had an affair after 10 yrs of marriage & four kids. It took her three years to leave & another two yrs to divorce. I hoped all along that she would come back; went to her apt for supper, helped her fix her car, basically anything she needed I was there.
Signed D papers stating 50-50 custody at her atty office that turned into I have them on weekends. She has a live - in boyfriend who is basically raising my kids and it is like I am dying a little at a time every single day.
I have gotten over her for the most part...but it's the fact that another guy is raising my kids. He has been married three times, left his last wife for my ex and I just can't seem to get a grip.
Same old story, I know...how do I move on when I really want to curl up in a ball & die?
My soul is empty.

Comments for boomer

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May 05, 2014
Boomer
by: Be Strong

I too am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I have to agree with what Doreen wrote. Your children will judge you by the character you display in the face of adversity. We never stop teaching our kids. We are their greatest and most powerful role model. To love them and show respect for the situation you are in and handle it appropriately is one of the most valuable lessons you could teach.

A buddy of mine went through a divorce about two years ago and told me about all the horror stories and that I better watch out for this and that. I have chosen to go the peaceful route. Although I'm unhappy that my marriage has ended, I feel better when we are not fighting and are respectful of each other. I am slowly accepting the fact that I will by myself. I'm okay with that. I look around this website and something that gives me hope is that there are a lot of other people that share my same values. If I find people like that as friends then I will know I'm in good company. So I'm going to take it one step at a time and see what happens.

I wish you the best in these tough times.

Feb 01, 2014
Together we will make it
by: Debbie

God has promised better days for you. God will open doors for you that you cant even imagine. You have a lady out there that has been looking for you her whole life. Just start caring for yourself when you can. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids. And they will have the best of both worlds. And just enjoy every moment you can with them. Before you know it they will be grown and they will be your best friend. I lost my husband almost 3 years now and it does suck but over time your heart heals. I keep my eyes on the prize that the Lord will place my a wonderful man in my life and it will be awesome. I figure that will take place when my kids are grown they are only 12 & 9 so I have all this time to work on me! we were together 16 years. But we will get through this together. Cry when you must it is good for the soul. Get closer to the Lord and youve got to fake it to make it. So put a smile on your face! And remember the second part of your life will be so much better than the first.! God will Bless you and keep you and he will shine his face upon you! Keep the faith!

Feb 01, 2014
BUMMER
by: Anonymous

Here is more to add to what Doreen has so well advised. Remember the saying "' "IF THEY DO WITH YOU THEY WILL DO IT TO YOU". This guy of little or no character will eventually leave her for someone else or she will leave him . A realtionship based on lies and untrustworthy behavior just will not last. But you, in the meantime, must be strong and show her you will be okay. The best revenge is to live well. Never badmouth the Mother to your children. Never Parent them out of guilt. In other words don't give them anything they want because you only have them on weekends. Tell your ex that her live -in is not to mistreat your children or give them any punishment. It is between the natural parents to decide what is best for their children. Be the best role model for your children you can be. Put God into your life and theirs . We all need Him to help us along the way.

You have a raw deal here. I'm surprised the courts allowed the children to be exposed to a live-in boyfriend life style. That is just so wrong on many levels. Especially when it's a proven fact that most men not related to the children end up mistreating them.

I pray you will be strong and always put your children first.

Feb 01, 2014
boomer
by: Doreen UK

I feel for you having to go through this heavy burden. The laws are so lax and I often feel sorry for most men having to go through this heavy burden. I don't think the courts do enough for men and also for children in decision making. Women are given the better deal and whilst this may be right in many ways for good reasons. It is not always the best option for the children or the father's. Many father's make great and better nurturers than mother's. Children need stability in their life. For your EX to be in a relationship with a man who has had 3 marriages does not speak of STABILITY.
Speaking as a Mother to 3 Adult children, if I ever thought I could not give my children the best I would do what is best for them and allow them to understand I was not abandoning them and let the better parent do the nurturing. If there is no court appeal that could help speak on your behalf you may have to settle for second best. Don't focus on what you have LOST. FOCUS on what you can GAIN by having some INPUT in your children's lives and be the best parent you can be for whatever time you have your children. They won't ever forget you for this and you will win them in the end. They all have to grow up some time. Don't neglect yourself and your emotional needs. Nurturing yourself at this difficult time will help build you up and give you the structure and stability you need despite being a broken man through these circumstances. For me to lose my kids would be the worst experience of my life. But I would give them up if I thought I was not the better parent. I would do this only for the right reasons. BEING. The BEST WELFARE OF THE CHILDREN. Children need emotional stability as much as having a roof over their heads. My parent's divorced and my mother got us on her side. We were torn. All 6 siblings. It affected us emotionally. I made a PROMISE. I would never create a situation where my husband was not honoured as a father. I kept that Promise. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 21 months ago to cancer. My heart does go out to many men because they get a raw deal. I am sorry for your loss and I pray to God that you recover from this burden of grief. FOCUS. This is what is going to help you.

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