Brain Injury...Anyone dealing with this specific Grief?

by Hope
(Tappahannock VA)

Aug of 08 My Husband found out he had an aneurysm on the left hemisphere. Surgery (9-8-08) was to be 3-5 hours for a clipping. It took 13 hours, there were complications is all that was said. In Neuro I.C.U. recovery, his face was pulled down on the right. I was told it was part of the surgery, all the time I'm thinking stroke. 2 hours later he began rambling incoherently. I was by myself the nurses were not there.

It was thought he might have a brain bleed and they were to perform another surgery to check. It was a frontal stroke a minor vessel that could not be seen by the M.R.I. From there incognigence,
catheters, feeding tubes and partial use of the right side. By October 2nd, 08 he was released from the hospital. Too early I thought, but home we went.

Emotionaly fragile from the stroke and somewhat childlike in his thinking. We had a year together in which as his healthkeeper/wife I was at wits end with worry about his health. He was unable to tell me what ailed him. Kidney stones, seizures (5 months later) and a hernia operation. He seemed to be getting better. I could see some of my former husband emerging.

So instead of the 1 year mark I looked towards the 2 year mark with hope and encouragement that everything might not be perfect but together we could do this. Dec. 6/09 he went for his usual walk. He collapsed in the neighborhood not more than a block away. I did not hear the ambulance, Nor know that he was medivaced to
M.C.V Hospital.

Looking for him frantically when my intuition went in the panic mode I did not hear the sirens.
With no I.D they did not know what had happed nor know what to do; fortunately a paramedic that had been to our house previously came, he had a seizue in Oct.09 and gave him some medicine to calm him enough for the helicopter ride.

To this day I do not know if it was a seizure, brain clipping or what but listed on the death certificate as a cerebral vascular accident. Not now knowing brings nothing but pain, that I could have saved him/ or at least calmed him if I were with him. Not wanting to emancipate him he went on these walks alone.

The Police would not tell me what happened till I identifyed him via description and was told they thought he was robbed due to all the blood and no I.D. Thank you Mr. Policeman for the wonderful bedside manner in which you so graphically decribed his last moments. There should be training for families of trama victims. So in essence...Is there anybody out there? just call if you can hear me, is there anyone home? HH