Brain Injury...Anyone dealing with this specific Grief?

by Hope
(Tappahannock VA)

Aug of 08 My Husband found out he had an aneurysm on the left hemisphere. Surgery (9-8-08) was to be 3-5 hours for a clipping. It took 13 hours, there were complications is all that was said. In Neuro I.C.U. recovery, his face was pulled down on the right. I was told it was part of the surgery, all the time I'm thinking stroke. 2 hours later he began rambling incoherently. I was by myself the nurses were not there.

It was thought he might have a brain bleed and they were to perform another surgery to check. It was a frontal stroke a minor vessel that could not be seen by the M.R.I. From there incognigence,
catheters, feeding tubes and partial use of the right side. By October 2nd, 08 he was released from the hospital. Too early I thought, but home we went.

Emotionaly fragile from the stroke and somewhat childlike in his thinking. We had a year together in which as his healthkeeper/wife I was at wits end with worry about his health. He was unable to tell me what ailed him. Kidney stones, seizures (5 months later) and a hernia operation. He seemed to be getting better. I could see some of my former husband emerging.

So instead of the 1 year mark I looked towards the 2 year mark with hope and encouragement that everything might not be perfect but together we could do this. Dec. 6/09 he went for his usual walk. He collapsed in the neighborhood not more than a block away. I did not hear the ambulance, Nor know that he was medivaced to
M.C.V Hospital.

Looking for him frantically when my intuition went in the panic mode I did not hear the sirens.
With no I.D they did not know what had happed nor know what to do; fortunately a paramedic that had been to our house previously came, he had a seizue in Oct.09 and gave him some medicine to calm him enough for the helicopter ride.

To this day I do not know if it was a seizure, brain clipping or what but listed on the death certificate as a cerebral vascular accident. Not now knowing brings nothing but pain, that I could have saved him/ or at least calmed him if I were with him. Not wanting to emancipate him he went on these walks alone.

The Police would not tell me what happened till I identifyed him via description and was told they thought he was robbed due to all the blood and no I.D. Thank you Mr. Policeman for the wonderful bedside manner in which you so graphically decribed his last moments. There should be training for families of trama victims. So in essence...Is there anybody out there? just call if you can hear me, is there anyone home? HH

Comments for Brain Injury...Anyone dealing with this specific Grief?

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Jun 25, 2010
Similar Grief
by: Gayle

My husband died April 23/09. He had a bleed deep inside his brain. He was on a blood thinner med so it quickly grew from a peanut size to a baseball size within a short time. We had to remove him from life support and let him go. I pray everyday it was the right decision. I know it was but, the big BUT......

If it had been me, I would not have wanted to exist the way the Drs. described what he would most likely have to endure..I loved him enough to make the right choice. Being here alone is difficult. He gave me 50 years of putting up with me and hopefully I gave him dignity and peace at the end of his time here on earth.

Selfishly, I want him here, but he taught me to be strong and I will honor that and know he would be proud... That is the best we can do I believe..I hope you find comfort and strength as you go on. Having to choose to remove life support was incredibly difficult....brain injuries change everything and for our family we felt we put him in front of our own wants, and that helps. We all do what seems right and then pray we are correct.

Jun 07, 2010
Brain Injury
by: Jesus Rivera

Dear Hope,

Thank you for your comforting words. After reading your response I went to your original post and was very touched by your story. I am very sorry for your loss, and am sure you understand better than I what you need to do to remain strong. I am a novice at this (approximately 3 weeks in), and am still in deep grief trying to find my way. Nevertheless, I know that the circumstances of your loved ones suffering will remain with you for the rest of your life, as I know mine will also. We are a in a special class of people who have lost a loved one to brain disease. I am convinced there is no other suffering like it. I will keep you in my prayers. May GOD bless you.

Mar 17, 2010
I am out here
by: Peg Fisher

I read your experience and you and your husband's spirit are in my prayers now. I have not had the same illness issues, so I can't speak to that - I just want you to know that you are heard, people are listening for you, and we do care.

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