Breakup is worse than grieving a death

by PB
(Ireland)

Hey my boyfriend of three years broke up with me in August 2008. I was devastated and had a breakdown and was out of work for three weeks. I pulled myself up by the boot straps and reluctantly went back to work and struggled on.

We had no contact although I made drunken calls occasionally in my despair. He got back in touch early in 2009 and we began hooking up on his terms. I heard that he hooked up with others also, and was devastated. He kept coming back and I thought we would get back together as we were getting on so well.

I kept my cards close to my chest however, and was vague to friends and family on the details, as I knew they would not be impressed, because of the hurt and pain he had caused that they all held my hand through. I did not express my feelings to him, and was like a puppet so to speak and was a little stand-off-ish in protection of myself and he thought I was not interested, even though I was.

He left my house one morning and I never heard from him. After about a month I called upset over a bereavement and he was with a new friend, who is now his girlfriend. That was six months ago and there has been no contact. I am in bits and feel worse than ever and the pain is insurmountable.

I feel numb and do not care if I don’t wake up tomorrow morning. If someone dies, you know they are gone. In this situation it/s like he is dead to me, but I could run into him around any corner at any minute with his new life, while I am stagnant.

Comments for Breakup is worse than grieving a death

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May 16, 2014
Update?
by: Anonymous

Are you ok now?
What has happened in the last 2 years?
Going through my own personal *ell so I want to see is to see if there is a light at the end of this tunnel? I have no support in my life and things are looking so grim.

May 27, 2010
I'm sorry for your pain
by: Anonymous

I did the same thing...got back together with my ex and didn't really share it with my family or friends because of all the pain he caused and eventually he broke up with me again after promising commitment and marriage and swore his life on this. I was trying to be so careful, as you were, and we're both left in our own types of hell. I relate to feeling like you don't care if you wake up tomorrow. Sometimes I think death would be a gift. I do feel this pain is worse than the death of a loved one because there is a chance of contact or something. I feel for you. I hope you know that I can understand the immense pain you are going through and feel like you can't move on and see any light or happiness. I feel the same way, but we can make it...somehow...we can. I hope you know that I don't even know you and I care about you and your pain. I hope that knowledge helps even a little. Stay strong...you can make it...we can make it!

Feb 24, 2010
Thanks Deb
by: PB

Hey deb thanks for your reply and insight... as far as I know, I take it I will never know? Unless he suddenly decides to turn around and tells me he loves me and made the biggest mistake of his life! Hope you doing well x

Feb 24, 2010
I can relate.
by: Deb

When you said you acted standoffish and he interpreted it as you were not interested...It totally hit home. That's exactly what my new Ex told me last night. But I wonder if they are not just saying that to make themselves feel better. Please don't give up. I hope you are feeling well soon.

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