Bren

My husband died July 15th, 2012, the pain is just so unbearable at times, I sometimes walk through the house, saying, I can't believe this. I can not believe he's gone. He became paralyzed because of cancer had traveled into his spine, so they had to operate, thus causing the paralysis. We were getting used to life in a wheelchair, we started doing things we used to do before, and then the cancer went to his brain, and the cancer killed him.
I wonder if I can go on without him, everyday the pain seems to get worse. I walk around like a little old lady in slow motion, and I'm only in my fifties.
The only sense of peace that I get is knowing he isn't suffering anymore, and, that he is walking in Heaven with GOD.

Comments for Bren

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Sep 30, 2012
Doreen/ uk
by: by ruby/canada

Doreen this is so very hard, I feel like i'm going crazy.I want him back so bad i get chest pains,he was such a loving man, everybody loved him,never raised his voice always with the witty remarks. he was a ventriloqiist so he was doing a lot of kids shows,his adult shows were the best.i usually went with him.we retired to nfld canada almost 10 yrs ago, live very close to the atlantic ocean, which he so loved, hes from toronto, but this was his home now.always talking to people and making friends.living in a small community was what he wanted.we both worked in the elevator industry.i have 2 kids and 4 grandchildren,and i still feel lonely, i get in my car and drive and cry don't know where to go or what to do,i just burn a lot of gas and its not cheap.shopping for groceries is out of the question. can't even cook any more.thank you so much for listening take care, my e mail rubymack@nf.sympatico.ca

Sep 29, 2012
Lost my huband
by: Noelle Shull

I lost my husband on 7-26-12 by a domestic violence situation where my husband was just driving by to come home and this man shot him 6 times. The man did not know my husband. I am lost. I am so unhappy and I cant imagine how I cam supposed to go on. Nothing matters and I just dont care. Everybody says "it will be ok" No it wont. I have lost my best friend and there is no one to hold me and make it all better because that was what he did.

Sep 29, 2012
For Doreen
by: Bren

I can only imagine how you feel, everyone suffers differently, but I feel your lose. Every day I get out of bed, go to work , come home to an empty house and do the same thing the next day. We know our husbands aren't suffering anymore, but by human nature, we want them here with us. I'll think about all of the husbands we have lost and pray for all of us.I'll pray for the hurt in the pit of our stomachs and the hole in our hearts to someday be filled with some happiness.GOD bless all of us.

Sep 29, 2012
Ruby / Canada
by: Doreen U.K.

Ruby this is the sad reality of our life now without the love of our life. Just like you I miss these simple little daily habits. Steve going into the garage and I would usually know when he wanted a cup of tea. We did everything together. Steve was a carpenter. He would come back from a hard day's work and then start again either fixing his car, or doing private jobs for other people. Building a new kitchen in the garage, building furniture late into the night and then get up at 5.a.m. for a long journey to work often working 7 days a week. I don't know where he got the strength from. Steve got his cancer by working with asbestos. It gave him lung cancer and he died 5 months ago. We were married 44yrs. Men spend most of their time at work and then when it is time to retire and enjoy some quality time then they die. Life is so very unjust claiming lives as if they were being suddenly swallowed up by the earth. Steve used to watch football, boxing, and cage fighting, and all the food programmes. he loved cooking. What love and devotion and care for his family. He didn't get to enjoy the house he built up. Can you imagine how hurt I feel. I am barely functioning. I just don't want to make the effort now. I keep painting the house as this is the only way I can cope with my grief. Steve and I did all the decorating and I was Steve's labourer. I worked alongside my husband for over 46yrs. We were a great team. He was such a skilled man and very talented. What a great loss to me and the world. He was such a loving and giving man. No one had a bad word to say about him. He was my Guardian Angel. I can't bear life without him. I know how you feel Ruby. We emigrated to Canada 30yrs. ago and came back to England within one year. It was the right decision for us. Steve knew how to look after his family. It is such an immense loss. Life is unbearable now. I just go on each day as this is what I have to do. But that is all I can do. I can't give anything back to life. I don't know when I will be able to. IF EVER. If you need more support I can offer you this as long as you need it. My email is doreenelkington@aol.com

Sep 28, 2012
Doreen/ uk
by: Ruby/ Canada

I lost my loved one july 14 2012, my life is over I can't funcion without him, he was my Rock,and i can't do it alone.i feel his presence at night when i go to bed,hoping to see him laying beside me.we did everything together, if he cut the grass i would call out would you like a coffee? just to be with him.I go to the mall just walking and waiting for him to find me.then i come home and sit down and start crying asking why, i didn't get to say good bye or I love you. and i am so very lonely.

Sep 27, 2012
Bren
by: Doreen U.K.

It is a most horrible place to be right now when we lose our loved one. I lost my husband 5 months ago to cancer. I was his caregiver for over 3yrs. A very slow painfull cancer with no quality of life. We will never get used to living without our husbands. It is unatural in the natural world because God set it up that way for companionship. Cancer is becoming like the flu and running rampant through mankind. I go through each day and I just exist. I see his face wherever I go, and my heart skips a beat. I cry and it feels so hollow. I still feel so numb. WE just soldier on each day where nothing changes it stays the same. If only I could see him again. My heart feels so bruised, so broken.
I guess you feel the same way, all the suffering gone for our husband's, and ours is just starting.

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