Bro and Mam same year

by Steven Mulvaney
(Ireland)

Hi..I'm 24 male Irish(emotionally inept),lost my bro just 4 months ago(suicide) haunts me and now my mam cancer terminal...I need to vent,i'm in a really dark place,shut myself off from everyone.Have 3 bros but I've shut them out.Were all in our own little words struggling.I'm the youngest and battled depression before so the more I shut them out the worse I feel.I don't want them knowing my true thoughts because of the stereotypical excuse I don't wanna burden..People think I have it all,girls,friends etc but the people I truly care for I can count on one hand and I've always been emotional but I cant even sit with my mam without bursting into tears..Shes been so strong never cried once (in front of us).Never felt so alone and lost

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Apr 06, 2014
Bro and Mam same year
by: Doreen UK

Steven I am expanding on my first post to let you know how lost and lonely one feels from where you are at.
I lost my nephew just like a son at the age of 30yrs. 9 yrs. ago to suicide. He suffered depression and never got the support he needed. He couldn't live in his world of depression and so ended his life by throwing himself in front of an express train. This is such a devastating type of death for a family to cope with. The grief is unbearable.
The worst day of my life was when I got the diagnosis that my beloved husband of 44yrs. had a rare, aggressive, inoperable, incurable, terminal lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. It took 40yrs. to develop. It was the most devastating experience to watch the one you love die a slow painful death and there is nothing you can do to save them or make things better. You feel so helpless. It is so easy to shut one's self off from others. I don't think we do this always by choice it is rather the circumstance we are in that dictates what we do. We find it difficult to be around people whilst we try to process in our minds what is going on and how we cope. A million things are running through our minds so fast that we can't find the answers or know how to resolve where we are at. This is an area that is difficult to share with anyone else. It is your private feelings. Your brother's will have theirs and you feel you can't say anything because you don't want anyone to see how needy you are. There is no shame in this. You can't even ask your brother's how they are, because you don't feel so good yourself and don't quite know how you feel. One becomes numb. This is when a good grief counsellor can help take the edge off the grief so one is able to see more clearly. You need help to carry this burden that is too heavy. I hope that you are able to feel less alone now with your burden at this time and know that other's are sharing this with you through their own experiences.

Apr 06, 2014
Bro and Mam same year
by: Doreen UK

I am so desperately sorry for your loss of your brother and for your mother's illness that could mean that you lose her also. You are in the depths of sorrow carrying a heavy burden that you don't know how to cope with.
Many of us have been where you are and know the pain is so unbearable. Coupled with depression it will make you feel as if you are in a dark tunnel and can't get out. You shut the world out and this isolation just intensifies your grief. You could be helped if you were able to seek a good therapist/counsellor who could help carry this burden and help you work through each stage. I was at the depths and couldn't bear life anymore when at the right time I got the perfect therapist/counsellor who saved me from ending my life. I suffered depression for 40yrs. and in just 4yrs. of therapy I ended those 40yrs. of depression that has never returned. When you are healed you can never go back to feeling that depth of depression again. Therapists understand the family dynamics which is why their skills work. PAINFULL GRIEF WORK. But worth the pain to how one feels after. Life throws us so many sorrows that can push us over the edge and very desperate. To shut one's self off from the world just intensifies one's suffering. Reach out for Help. You will never know how better life can be when you are able to get out of that dark tunnel. I was in that dark tunnel for 40yrs. Today I AM FREE. It is such a marvellous feeling it can't be put into words. Don't waste any more time suffering in silence. You will then be in a better position to help your brother's and perhaps come together and help one another through this short life. Life's problems can separate us and we can't work it out to come together because they are so deep and tangled up. This is when counsellors help untangle the family dynamics and this can bring your loves one's together again. I never gave up counselling when it became painful and unbearable. I saw it through and now that dark tunnel is a thing of the past. I encourage you through my experience to get this help for yourself. May God be close to you at this time and bring you some relief from your loss's and unbearable grief.

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