by Randy
(Fairview, alberta, canada)

One day I was playing world of warcraft when my mother was getting angry at my brother for a bad math test mark. He was in a hurry to get to volley-ball practice, so she told him if he didn't get his marks up then it would be his last practice he would go to. She yelled at me to go with him, so I hopped on my dirt bike to avoid getting yelled at. It was barely sprinkling rain and I seen my brother pull out of the drive way so I rode over there. He said "Are you sure you don't wanna come?" I said "Nooo that's your friends. I have my own practises to go to, and don't be sad about mom she's just stressed." we then drove off in different directions and so forth. I went into the house after a good half hour, because it was raining a bit to much. My mom told me my brother had collapsed and it seemed like it wasn't a big deal. I waited thinking "Oh my god, what did he do this time? Run into a wall?" as I played on the computer. A hour went by So I called my mom. I never heard her so scared, she told me that he may not make it. I started tearing up and asking what happened. His friends said he collapsed and stopped breathing. He had a cardiac arrest, and the worst part is that the ADD was sitting right beside him. They didn't use it. Ever since that night, it changed me. Watching the doctors and nurses working on my brother, me praying and crying that he was going to live. Seeing his bright body turn into a grey lifeless shell, and his warm skin turning cold as death itself. I was lost, losing my older brother was a mind blow.. As his younger brother I didn't know how to take it, how was I the man on the family now? All these awnsers went thru me. Then one night I layed there and cried my self to sleep like usual. Then I had the most beautiful realistic dream ever. I was in a bright white room that went on forever. Then A bright object was behind me, and it was my brother... I told him I missed him and if he was ok, he said with great truth and very calm "Everything is perfect. He told me to tell my mom to not worry about getting angry at him, and told me that he was in a better place. I hugged him for as long as I could asking if there was a heaven. I miss Brock all the time. He was my best friend and was a big part of me. Im lost without him, But we all got to wake up some time...

Comments for Brock

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May 30, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Randy I am so sorry for your loss of your older brother Brock. Life seems to take those loved one's from us when we least expect this. You will feel such loss and emptiness for some time whilst trying to process what has happened. When my husband was given his diagnosis of terminal cancer my life raced so fast past me and all I heard was "You are going to die" "What will I do without you?" This is the worst feeling ever. To know your loved one is struggling. Hovering between life and death and there is nothing you can do to save them. It is a very devastating feeling to lose someone close from our life. When you grow up with someone it is harder to live without them. This is a loss felt forever. We just learn to live with our loss in time. I hate every day without my husband but I know I have to live it whether I want to or not. Don't be disappointed in your mom for shouting at your brother before he died. Mom's have a lot of stress and strain on them and if they don't have support it can make life more difficult. Mom's really love their children and would give up their own life for their child. Your mom will also be hurting right now. I hope in time that you can be in a happier place with life. I am sorry for your loss of your brother Brock.

May 30, 2013
so sorry
by: Anonymous

Hi Randy,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your brother. I lost my son Quinn in the same way that you lost your brother, he went to basketball camp and then he collapsed and it was from a heart arrhythmia also. My son was my best friend, my child and the love of my life. I know it must be even a different type of difficult for you because people always forget to support the siblings. Quinn had a very dear friend that was like a brother to him, I sometimes wonder how he is coping. I know on the outside he seems strong but inside it is so painful to know someone that you loved dearly is just gone for good. I really want to thank you for sharing your story and the more that you talk about it the calmer that you will feel inside. The pain will always be there but hopefully not as awful. I hope you have people to talk to and share your feelings, we all know that in life there is always death but when it is so soon and so close it just seems so different, really words can never explain how you feel. All I can say to you is live your life with the memory and the love that you know your brother would have for you and do all the things that he didn't get to do, so when and if you meet again you will have so many stories to share with him, I am sure he would want nothing but the best for you and your family. Be Well

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