Broke down in supermarket

by Jillian

Dear Friends,
Firstly I would like to thank those who left comforting messages (Doreen)and others, on my first web page.

Losing mum unexpectantly (May 22nd) when she was picking up has been traumatic in every area of my life. Saturday is my worse day as it was mum's day for Columbo, listening to her favourite music and sharing her beautiful singing voice. Regretfully I never recorded it as I thought she would go on living.

Heard her music in supermarket (John Denver - Annies song) I wept as she did die in my arms. I am not sure if she knew I was there as her eyes had been closed for days after the horrible hospital bug she contracted came back.

It is 2pm so I am going to try and get some routine going. I am having an awful day and am not just crying for myself but also for the injustice of the suffering of a wonderful mum who cared for me and my late father through illnesses and personal tragedy.

Thank you for listening to me on the worst day of the week.

Comments for Broke down in supermarket

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Jul 26, 2012
Thanks for sharing
by: Jillian

Dear Friend,
Firstly please let me extend my heartfelt condolences on losing your beloved mum. thank you for sharing your story with me.

I have discovered you cannot predict when grief is going to take over. I try and stay strong as I care for my brother who is severally disabled but there are always triggers, mums favorite music or photograph that make me weep.

It is sad when people are silent. I have experienced this too. A kind word and a hug would be so welcome, we are coping but they dont know how we are on the inside. Thats why this blog is so helpful

Please be gentle with yourself. I have left a lot of jobs until later. Emotionally it is too difficult to deal with it. My mum passed over suddenly too so it is going to take a long time for us to start to heal.

With love, thinking of you Jillian. if you wish to mail.

Jul 26, 2012
it is hard, isn't it?
by: Anonymous

I read your story because I too break down at work, school, when I'm alone. My mother died on May 6th from a resilient form of ecoli which struck her and killed her within 24 hours. Two days early she started talking to me through my older sister one state over. I wish I could have seen my mom but my sister thought she could protect me by not letting me know what was wrong. I actually miss the first two or three weeks because everyone was so sad for me and pitched in for support. Little did I know I would crave that attention from my sister for a very long time. People seem to forget, everyone but those touched by death. It doesn't seem fair. My mother was very young, 47. Soon I am supposed to go back to her house to deal with her things. I wish someone would hold my hand and fill her void. I guess no one can. Most of my closest friends and family do not talk about it. I feel like I am going to explode if I don't tell someone.

Thank you for letting me share my story in accompaniment to yours.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Jul 15, 2012
life after here
by: Anonymous

gillian your mum will be rig ht beside you it is ealy days yet but trust she will never leave you her spirit lives like we all do i dont know what beliefs you have we all feel so differently but i know i have had comfort from my beliefs that this isnt the end god bless you

Jul 14, 2012
Broke down in supermarket
by: Doreen U.K.

Jillian I am so sorry to hear of your pain and sorrow today Saturday which you say is a bad day for you. Of course you will feel triggers to favourite songs. Memories of films etc. I feel your pain and wish there was something more I can do for you. I live in England too. I live in Middlesex. But if you wish to email me to You will then be able to email me personally on any difficult day you are having. Plus we could exchange telephone numbers if this suits you. Whatever you decide. Is O.K. with me.
Saturday is my worst day as this is the day Steve died. Strange memories of that last day keep coming back. I too have spent a most horrid day crying from deep within my soul where it hurts. I will never get used to this lonliness. Some people have no problem being on their own and actually like their own company. I am a people person and love being with people. Each to his own. I can't bear being so isolated. I am feeling sad so will end now and wish you well on this difficult day for both of us. I hope the days ahead will be better for you. Take Care.

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