Broke up with me after a breakdown?

by candy

My ex partner and i were together for 2 years. It was a rocky relationship as we were both recently separated, however, we fell in love and were absolutely soul mates with our vision being together for the rest of our lives.

unfortunately my ex wife (who never wanted him), didn't want anyone else to have him so threatened to take the children back to their country of origin if he didn't spent all of his spare time with them. She isn't back with him, and he cannot stand her, but he literally overnight cut the relationship off with me.

I was totally devastated, and every day he text me, we even saw each other a few times and I know he is still in love with me. He said he wants to be with me but cant.

I totally understand that he cannot be with me and that his children will come first, but i've now cut all contact with him as its just too painful. The trouble I have is that the grief of losing him is still as raw today as it was 3 months ago. I have kids and focus on them, I have friends and a lovely job and throw myself into other activities, but the truth of it is, I've lost my soul mate.

Im absolutely devastated. Unfortunately whilst he is a father and a very good one he doesn't have a leg to stand on as they were not married.

Should I remain in contact or cut him off. My ideal would be for him to come back to me, but my grief is affecting my children and I've managed to cut him off. I miss him terribly. I don't play games, and I think he has had a breakdown.

Comments for Broke up with me after a breakdown?

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Jul 04, 2014
Making SACRIFICES is what life is all about.
by: Doreen UK

Candy I have read your posts again and conclude that your EX was scared of losing his children so he bowed to the manipulation of his children's mother. What is important is to show the children on both sides an ADULT PARENT who puts their needs first and foremost above their own. Whether your EX was not married to this woman and you think He still loves you is immaterial where children are involved. Glad to see you both did the right thing by making the children your utmost concern and priority. Don't spoil it by thinking of your EX. In time He will be a distant memory and you will have the children to love and who you will have for many years till they become of age and able to live their own independent lives. SACRIFICE is not meeting your own needs but the needs of your children who need you greatly now. As the years unfold you will be glad you did the right thing.

Jul 03, 2014
The Truth
by: Judith in California

Candy, unless otherwise stated he ha chosen to not be with you. He uses the word can't instead of will not be with you. He can choose to do what he wishes. Obviously he wishes to not be with you.
The one thing that botheres me is that you are letting your adult problem mix over to your children and that is a no no. You don't have the right to let them see you like that to cause them worry or anything else. Your children come first and their well being. Please stop fretting over a man who just doesn't want to be with you. Get up your self esteem and ask your self why you would want to be with a man who let's another woman control him. even over his children. What he told you , what he told her and what he truly feels are three different things. He didn't have a breakdown he had a change of mind.

Please stop any contact with him whatsoever and focus on your children and yourself and move on to hopefully a better match. And by all means do not live with a man with out marriage. Set your standards high for yourself and those kids. He just wasn't the right guy for you. God is letting you know with all the issues. Listen.

Jul 01, 2014
Broke up with me after a breakdown?
by: Doreen UK

Candy a sad situation to be in. FOCUS. What are your priorities? You are facing a tug of war. You have your needs and your children theirs. It depends on YOU. I am the type of person who would always put her children first. But we all have different needs. Some cannot be good mother's if they are unhappy as they have their own needs. Children don't ask to be born and so parents have a duty of care and responsibility to their children. Your EX is standing by his children, but suffering in silence because he can't have both.
Often we have to make HARD DECISIONS in life that leave us unable to CHOOSE. Whether to walk away? to stay in contact? or WAIT!. Either way none of us can decide for you. We can just offer you suggestions about what are your priorities? and what you want out of life?
Raw Grief can last a long time. But you will recover from grief and be able to go on with your life. Perhaps you can see a grief counsellor so that you learn how to support your children and yourself through your grief using coping strategies. If a mother is miserable it will still affect the care she gives to her children and they could also suffer emotionally. Mother's have to be LOVING, Dedicated, and devoted to her children. They are the future and the world needs Functional adults to enhance their life and society. At the moment you have a fulfilling life with children, friends and family in it. Whenever we can't change our situation, we can learn to change our ATTITUDE towards OUR SITUATION, and this is how we become SURVIVORS where we are. It hurts when you can't have what you want. I had a husband of 44yrs. I loved and lost 2yrs. ago to cancer.
I had a cage full of cockatiels I loved and adored. I had to give them up for their happiness in a better environment so they didn't have to endure a cramped cage life. It wasn't easy. I adored these darlings but I gave them up for their better life and not mine. Life is also about making SACRIFICES. How far are we able to go in making a sacrifice for the benefit of others and giving up what we want? Some of us have personalities that lends itself to us making easier decisions. So no one can Judge you. I have teased out thoughts and questions you can ponder over to help you decide.

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