Broken Heart

by Helen
(Australia)

On January the 30th ,2012 my dad died unexpectly aged 84. He had eaten lunch and drove his car to work at his flat. Whe he didn't come home for tea, we went looking for him and found him in the kitchen slumped against a wall.
I never knew how deep and primal the crying could be, when I saw him that way. The police had to come and check out the scene, before dad's body was taken off to the coroners.
After a week we found out that he had died of an undiagnosed heart disease.
Until dad's death I never knew one could experience such intense pain and heart ache, until you loose a loved one I don't think you can understand the term a broken heart, or the affects e.g.the sleepless nights, the I don't know what to do scenarios, the I'm all alone now saga's, even though I have a loving husband, who doesn't know what to do to, take the heart ache and pain away from me. I found myself shaking at times, lethargic, and tired. A week after he died, I went through my darkest stage of why are we living? Nothing seemed to make any sense and I felt I was suffocating. Even though it was for a brief time it was the scarest space I'd ever been in. I went to the beach at 10.30 pm just to get out of the house and be alone, and to try and calm myself down. I felt my husband couldn't cope with the intensity of my grief and emotions. I've since had the courage to accept that I my emotions will change from minute to minute and it will take some time to get over the shock of not being able to talk to my dad daily.

Comments for Broken Heart

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Mar 17, 2012
Day by Day
by: Helen

Its now been 6 weeks since my dad died, and I'm just beginning to sleep through the nights. I don't wake up as much during the night, trying to fathom things out. Our family is long lived, e.g Grandma 99' yrs Grandpa 91. Dad was a refugee from World War 2 and was in a slave labour camp in Germany, and came to Australia with nothing. He was a workaholic and was quite wealthy, but continued to work up until the day he died. Due to the suddenness of his death he left my sister and I in a pickle. He was so secretive that we didn't know how wealthy he was. We thank him for this,however I used to argue with him about working so hard and not enjoying life and socializing, my sister put her head in the sand and stayed away from dad. Dad would have to visit her she wouldn't go to his house or ring him up. I know after doing his speech at the funeral (- which was very cathartic for me) how sensitive he really was and how work helped cover his feelings. Toward the end of his life dad and I became close and I'd ring him daily and would always tell him I love him, if you saw the smile on his face, it said it all. his girlfriend who lived with him, was always belittling him and he accepted it. I loved my dad so much, but didn't want him working so hard, it killed him!. Please don't say that he is in a better place, or he would have preferred to go working then end up in hospital, it doesn't help. I want my dad back to tell him I love him, and now understand why he worked so hard. Dad you are a very clever, intuitive man who made it financially, and now because you have died you can have the one thing you have craved most of your life LOVE be at rest in the loving arms of your mum and dad and brother and sister RIP

Mar 12, 2012
i understand
by: monica

I feel your intense pain and heartache. I lost my dad dec 2011. He passed of lung cancer. I stayed with him in the hospice for many weeks by his side. Nothing prepares you for a loss like that. Whether its sudden or anticipated...the pain is the same. Let the thought and and faith that you have in God, allow to know he is in a better place and forever looking upon you. Hes there beside you when you least expect it.
My heart breaks and aches and i often wonder how on earth i can get through this grief and loss as well. I feel his spirit with me but yes i miss him daily...just be honest and open with your emotions and feel .....speak about him..it helps.

i wish you all the best on this sad journey we must face and be a part of. Time will heal our wounds..but their memory will live forever and ever.

Feb 25, 2012
For Janet
by: Heleb

Janet your loss has been been triple fold and my heart can understand the enormity of your loss.
The strength in your our faith is beautiful, and your words have lifted my spirits.
thank You.
Helen

Feb 25, 2012
Broken Heart
by: Janet

I understand where you are coming from. I lost my father in 1986, he was only 68 years of age, just 2 short months after my husband and I married. It was a shock and I was there at the hospital when he passed. He had gone in for a simple baloon surgery that thrun into a triple by-pass. He went into a coma and never came out of it. It has been 26 years since his death and I still miss him terribly. It does get better with time and know that you can continue to have conversations with him.
I still have conversations with my dad, my grandmother, who I lost the following May, and my husband of 25 plus years who I loss 3 months 24 days and some odd hours ago. We do get thru this difficult journey of grief. It takes time and knowing that you are not alone.
It sounds like your dad lived a long and wonderful life. Know that he is happy. There is another Blog out there called Heaven is Real. Take a moment to read it. I did and for the first time since my husbands passing I felt a peace that I have not felt. Know that he is in Heaven with our Lord and that he is safe. He watches over you every day and even though his body is not here with you he does watch over you every day. Take comfort in that he is at peace.
Remember one breath, one step and one day at a time. That is all we can do. May God hold you in the palm of His hand and comfort you in this journey you are on called "Grief". We are strong and we will survive, if for no other reason than to do it for the ones who have gone on to make a place for us.

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