On January the 30th ,2012 my dad died unexpectly aged 84. He had eaten lunch and drove his car to work at his flat. Whe he didn't come home for tea, we went looking for him and found him in the kitchen slumped against a wall.
I never knew how deep and primal the crying could be, when I saw him that way. The police had to come and check out the scene, before dad's body was taken off to the coroners.
After a week we found out that he had died of an undiagnosed heart disease.
Until dad's death I never knew one could experience such intense pain and heart ache, until you loose a loved one I don't think you can understand the term a broken heart, or the affects e.g.the sleepless nights, the I don't know what to do scenarios, the I'm all alone now saga's, even though I have a loving husband, who doesn't know what to do to, take the heart ache and pain away from me. I found myself shaking at times, lethargic, and tired. A week after he died, I went through my darkest stage of why are we living? Nothing seemed to make any sense and I felt I was suffocating. Even though it was for a brief time it was the scarest space I'd ever been in. I went to the beach at 10.30 pm just to get out of the house and be alone, and to try and calm myself down. I felt my husband couldn't cope with the intensity of my grief and emotions. I've since had the courage to accept that I my emotions will change from minute to minute and it will take some time to get over the shock of not being able to talk to my dad daily.