Broken Hearted

by Tawny

My husband of 13 years and I had/have a remarkable marriage. Very loving, very trusting, very respectful, very passionate. We had it ALL. I just discovered a post that he posted as a boudoir photographer looking for models. Several women replied and there was a short response to/from each that started getting cybor sex. He stopped it on his own and I didn't discover it until it was done and over for two months. But I feel DEVASTATED! I can't get the words he wrote to them out of my head or the visions of the pictures they sent to him. It wakes me in the night and it's the first thing on my mind when I wake. I know he loves me and I him. I want to believe this will never happen again and deep down, I do believe that. But what I need help with is how do I regain my trust without doubts flooding in and how do I regain my own self worth? He damaged us with this....and he damaged me. Now I'm left feeling old and ugly. We're in our early 40's....hardly old, but not some 20 year old hottie either. Just seeking words of encouragement from anyone who may have a similar experience. God has been so good in the past few days in healing my heart and repairing our relationship, but these things continue to linger. I guess mostly I needed a place to 'talk.' This is hardly the thing to take to family and friends. Thanks for 'listening.'

Comments for Broken Hearted

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Aug 29, 2013
Broken Hearted
by: Doreen U.K.

Tawny you are right in coming here for support. You can also seek the support of a counsellor to tease out what is going on in your marriage. Often we as women/wives can become blinkered and think all is O.K. until something like this happens. Your husband is responsible for what he has done and I don't think you can move forward without discussing what has gone on and how it has made you feel. When you are so troubled that you can't cope with everyday life it is because this problem is not resolved and is pressing for resolution. It is possible for you to process this problem in a counselling room without the presence of your husband.
just Don't discuss this problem with friends or family. It can all go wrong. Also there has to be boundaries kept away from family. Sometimes a friend can betray one so this is also not a good idea. Although some people are fortunate to have an exceptional friend who is supportive at such a time.
What your husband has done is not innocent. It still comes under the banner of INFIDELITY. Which is why you are feeling so broken hearted. There is so much pornography out there in the world and also life is harder on marriages today as a result of all the temptations. It takes a strong man to resist this. Trust is so hard to get back. But it is possible. If Love is strong it can survive infidelity. It will be hard work for both of you to get your life back on track. You have to CONFRONT this problem. You can't keep it to yourself. Your husband needs to know that you know what he has been up to and that you won't tolerate this behaviour. Just don't appease the situation and enable it in order to hold on to your marriage. You will lose your self esteem and your marriage. I hope it works out for you. Best wishes.

Aug 29, 2013
your letter
by: Anonymous

I must say that I am surprised to see that you felt this was the best place for you to express this little problem in your life. I think in this case you should talk to a close friend. People on this site have lost people FOREVER from there lives. Husbands gone, mothers and fathers gone, children gone, siblings gone and even pets. Yes there are some people who's relationship of many years has also gone and all these are understandable but in all honesty I can't understand why you felt this was the place for you to express this problem, you have your husband and he still loves and adores you so forgive him and move on.

Aug 29, 2013
He's still ALive
by: Judith in California

Twany, this is not about you. you are still the same person . Do not let his problem become about you. He obviously is the one feeling old and ugly and is probably thinking he is less sexy. Have you talked to him? If not it's time to get that important talk going. IF he is not willing then it's time for some Therapy to get to the reason of this.
The things people do to another without even thinking twice is just sickening. They just don't know the devastation they reek with their actions or lack of them.

Please know you are still teh good and beautiful person rearless of his actions that hurt you. ACtually let him read your letter and then he will know how much damage he has done. IF you do nothing then he will think it's okay to continue this. You have to let him know you will not tolerate his dishonesty or disrespect one more time. IF you don't he will think it's okay.

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