Broken hearted

by Laura Morgan
(Phoenix Arizona )

I lost my dad May 1st 2014. Just over a month ago. I've cried every day since. I usually hide in the bathroom and cry so the kids don't see. It is unreal how much I miss him. I wish he would come visit me. I wish I had been able to say goodbye. If you met my dad you would have loved him. When I was a kid my dad was classroom father. He worked so hard and came home every day unlike so many of my friends dads. We lived in ny as I was growing up and dad was an iron worker. Along with many other buildings in Manhattan my dad helped construct the twin Towers. Years later on 9/11 I watched as dad had tears of disbelief in his eyes as they crumbled to the ground. My Dad had his first heart attack when he was only in his thirties. I was two years old. At that time the Drs told my dad he didn't have a long life ahead of him, especially if he kept smoking. My Dad proved them wrong. He kept living. He could no longer do iron work as his heart wasn't good so he became a console operator for one of the largest school districts in the country. Everyone knew dads famous handlebar mustache and his wonderful sense of humor. He loved children and they loved him. Dad raised and raced siberian husky and boy did his dogs love him too. The kids in the neighborhood called him '' daddy richie ''... Everyone became a friend, everyone truly enjoyed him. Through the years dad had many more heart attacks and heart issue . He always recovered. Dad became known as the' 'comeback kid'' because he continually beat the odds when the dr would say he wouldn't. We moved to phoenix, dad retired. He became a wonderful grandfather. His grandkids just adored him. His sense of humor was unmatched and everyone from the cashiers in grocery stores to medical staff would light up when seeing him. Poor dads health became worse and worse. His heart struggled, he was now diabetic, he had a slew of medical issues. But dad always kept fighting. He was such a tough cookie. He amazed doctors. He defied odds. On May 1 2014 I was dropping kids off at school. Mom called me on my cell to tell me they were on their way to the hospital, dad had fell down, he didn't have a lot of strength, they were in an ambulance going to check it out. I must have gotten calls like this 25 times in my life so I didn't think it was the end. It was just a fall I thought, thank God not another heart attack. I had a brand new baby, just 7wks old and I took my time getting her out of the car and cooing at her. Later I would kick myself for taking my time, perhaps if I hadn't of I could have said goodbye to my favorite person. I walked in thinking dad would be happy to see the baby, it would lift his spirits. Emergency room 5,I walked in to see a doctor leaning over mom and telling her something about putting a tube in dads throat to breathe for him. What??? I thought it was just a fall. Dad was on a bed with at least 10drs and nurses around him and working on him. His heart stopped 3x and they did chest compressions and got it started again. I could see the pity in the nurses eyes as they looked at mom and I. We called my brothers and sister and everyone rushed to dads side. I think we all believed he would be okay as he always was. But as my brother said, the comeback kid stopped coming back that day. He had a massive heart attack. We took him off life support as he had always told us he didn't want machines breathing and living for him. Shortly after he was removed dads heart couldn't fight anymore . I can still hear my mom screaming for him. I can still hear my children and his other grandchildren wailing when they realized pop pop wouldn't wake up again. The pain and heartache is unreal you mom doesn't even want to get out of bed in the morning. She is lost with the man she was married to for 48yrs. It doesn't seem right or fair that life should go on without my dad here. I don't know when I will stop crying. I never missed someone so much. Life will never be the same. Heaven must have gotten a lot funnier on May 1st, but earth got so much darker. I love you so much daddy and cannot wait to see you again. Rest in peace pop pop October 24th 1942 - May 1st 2014 xoxo They better be treating you good up there.

Comments for Broken hearted

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Jun 09, 2014
I understand
by: Anonymous

I just read your story and I am SO sorry for your horrible loss. I too just lost my dad this past friday. It was completely unexpected and the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. He was 71 years old and the kindest man in the whole world and the greatest papa to my children and nieces and nephews. He suffered a very rare stroke so they thought but now we are realizing it may have been triggered by him going to the chiropractor two days before he collapsed at lunch with my mom:( My sisters and I just keep crying and I feel like it's a horrific nightmare I will wake up from. But I know I will not. I always check in with things in my life and cope with things because I have the greatest parents in the world who provide me with such unconditional love. I have to worry about my mom who is very strong but has lost the man she spends everyday of her life with:( She also lives in another state and my sisters and I are on the East coast. Ugh I never usually write on anything but read your story and wanted to say you are not alone and I understand your raw pain. I will pray for you to find some peace and strength at this awful awful time. Its surreal to me that this is happening.

Jun 09, 2014
Dear Laura,
by: Anonymous

We lost our "PopPop" on January 14, 2013. Sudden cardiac arrest took his life, and none of us had a chance to say goodbye. When I got to the ER, I faced the same scene as you did. Doctors, nurses, chaos. The look of pity in their eyes as my mother and I stood in complete shock. My dad sounded a lot like yours. Unmatched wit. Smart. Friendly. He loved being PopPop. The hole in my life is huge and I still can't believe he is gone, even though I have come to accept it. Does that even make sense? I go through the motions and live my life as best as I can, but my heart is broken. I understand how you feel, and I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. I will keep you in my thoughts. Hugs, Barb

Jun 09, 2014
Broken Hearted
by: Doreen UK

Laura It hurts so much when the person who nurtured us and is not there anymore has left us and we won't see them anymore.
Here in the U.K. is Fathers Day and my children who are Adults now will not be able to honour their father on Father's Day.
My husband of 44yrs. died 2yrs. ago of a rare and serious incurable, inoperable, terminal lung cancer, and changed our worlds forever. Our world is so very LONELY and EMPTY NOW. Death hurts so much it makes life on going impossible. I can understand your mother not wanting to get out of bed. You can't live with someone for so many years without it affecting you badly. It feels so very CRUEL to have to live this way. I don't know when our HEALING will ever be COMPLETE?
We hear of people dying every day, and yet more and more people are thrown into chaos and such emotional pain that is so crushing.
When I lost my husband I couldn't function for 6 months. I did nothing. I then nurtured myself back ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is all your mother and family can do. It would have been my husband's birthday tomorrow. It is my mother's birthday today and she died 11yrs. ago. It is these anniversaries that hurt with constant reminders of people in our lives who were once here and how we honoured them in celebration and now it has all STOPPED. We are going to have Broken Hearts for a long time. I am sorry for your loss.

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