broken hearted

by shana
(athens alabama)

My mama was diagnosed in 2008 w 3rd stage throat cancer.up until June 21st2014 when she passed it was one BIG roller coaster ride.over 125 Dr visits & hospital stays.June 11th she made the decision to have a trach put in to open her airway.she did good for a few days after then made a turnaround & we was faced with putting her on life support so we didn't.we let god take it in his hands & I feel like we let her down.this feeling is killing me.I need closure:( after surgery she had no voice so we had to read lips till the end.

Comments for broken hearted

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 24, 2014
response to broken hearted
by: Theresa


I am so sorry for your loss. My own father died of throat cancer 7 years ago. Since then, I have lost my mom, a brother and then my son. It is hard to accept that you can live without them. But even though they are not here, they are still alive and thriving!

Please know that and have faith that you will indeed see them again. That is the hope that I cling to. That is the hope I will pray for you!


Jul 20, 2014
Feel so alone
by: Doreen UK

Josie I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. Also for the loss of your last two brother's. You have had such a heavy loss and it is so very difficult to pick one's self up again. It feels as if you have this ton weight on you and you can't get it off you. I am so glad you believe in God, and know He is the only one who can lift our burdens off us when the load becomes too heavy and more than we can bear.
I hope that you don't feel guilty that as you say when your mom needed you most you weren't there. You couldn't have known your mom would pass away so fast. You had your own duties and had to honour them. I guess if you could have been there you would have been. Even if you sat by your mother's bedside watching over her, if you nodded off to sleep she could have passed away. You just don't know. I had this experience. Time to let go of your guilt.
Your children don't have your experience so they wouldn't understand what you are going through. If need be see a counsellor who will be impartial and offer you the support you need. Our children can't offer us the support we need like perhaps a sibling or stranger could. You can't "Get over it" like the flu or a cold. Grief is not something you "Get over" it is something we all have to recover from. Your children will only understand when they lose you. This is the Reality. Know this that we here on this site understand what you are going through. May the Love and comfort of God give you Peace and sustain you. WE will meet our loved ones again.

Jul 19, 2014
Feel so Alone
by: Josie

My heart goes out to you I personally know what you are going through my Mom caught pneumonia we lived 400 miles apart. I had three brothers & I am the youngest her only girl. When she got sick I called her at the hospital and she sounded very weak but she was in a regular room. I spoke with the social worker from the hospital & her knowing that I lived out of state to please keep me updated on my Mom's health. Well, the next day I get a call from the hospital letting me know they had to call a code blue & my Mom was now on a respirator & in I.C.U. I rushed down there she was conscious & trying so desperately trying to tell me something & would get so frustrated because I couldn't understand what she wanted to tell me. The last time I went to see her I told her I would be back the following weekend because I had to work & she shook her head "NO" I cried all the way home. A few days went by when I was arriving to work & was in the parking garage when my phone rang & told my Mom had just coded & they were not able to save her it has been 9yrs & I still feel so guilty when she needed me the most I was not there. After that I lost my last two brothers so I'm the only one left of my family. My kids tell me to get over it I have them & my grandkids, but no one can understand what I'm going through I have major depression & I myself had to retire from work for medical reasons it really has taken a toll on me & I'm only 54yrs old. The only thing that keeps me going is my faith in God that we will all be united again. I look around & not a day goes by that I don't think of my family I feel like an orphan. I will be praying for you to God give you strength during our grieving process that will never go away. We just survive that's all. Take care.

Jul 13, 2014
broken hearted
by: Doreen UK

Shana I am sorry for your loss of your mother to throat cancer. This is such a horrible disease to die of. I lost my husband 2yrs. ago to lung cancer and it was a painful death for us to go through. There are so many broken hearted people having lost loved one's. It is such a horrible experience facing grief. The pain is so severe and you feel as if you will never recover and get your life back. The best way forward is by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. If you get good support from family and friends it does help the grief journey better. You will cry so much off and on, but this is healthy grief. Don't look for closure and feel something is wrong with you. Closure is not associated with grief. Recovery is. And you will recover from grief in time.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!