Broken Leg/Broken Heart

by Allison

Last Thanksgiving he fell and broke his leg. A month of misadventures in hospital found him dead. I teased him at first that he wouldn't take me dancing on our anniversary. How could we know he would die three weeks before our 43rd one. Nine months into this living hell I wonder what the new me will be. I know the old me is gone forever - it went with his spirit as I held him when his heart stopped beating. For the first two months I woke every morning to my new mantra "Still Dead." At least that has given way to "Thanks For Surviving Another Night".

We met when we were 11. Our shared history is a lifetime. Our life was a great adventure. We were very much "into each other". We loved with a passion that transcends.

The only positive I've found so far in this horrible new phase of my life is that I am so very thankful that I am the remaining half of our life. I would never ever wish this pain on him for an instant. I look at couples in a new way now. "Some day one of you will have to go through this horrible time."

My dear sweet Kent - I have wept and wailed and nothing helps. I have so much to tell you. I miss you. I'm guessing I always will. i am achingly lonely. Not so sure about the new me. - Your Sunshine

Comments for Broken Leg/Broken Heart

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 08, 2012
viewing other love without hate 101
by: Hope


I am 2 1/2 + years in. It has taken me this long to take over and accept this new life. I still Love and Miss My Hubby, probably always will... In the beginning I would drop my view and push my way past couples so sad and on the verge of tears later on in grief I was angry seeing other couples holding hands. I screamed inside my own head "Why do THEY get to grow old together?!! Why not US?!!

Now much later forever ago yesterday I see couples and yes I still sigh, still miss that closeness I once had but thankfully, finally I am grateful for the love I once had. That Yes that was me once upon a time, I had that once in a life time story book romance few ever get to experience. And I hope that they are as grateful as I was for not only loving some one that much but for them loving me back just as fiercely.

Being widow a word I once hated takes courage and patience. One day one breath one step at a time...

Aug 08, 2012
How true ....
by: Anonymous

thanks, Allison, for your sharing, esp the part on not wishing the loneliness you are experiencing on him. I never saw it that way until now, and it has given me a new perspective on the passing of my wife - who was also taken by cancer.

True, too, about the couples that you see daily - thanks for the other insight that one day, one of them, too, will undergo this pain. Uncharitable though it may seem, it helps me see them differently. Until now, it has been very painful, especially in church, to see all these couples, to be left out of the circle, to be treated like an outsider - very painful. This perspective helps somewhat

Thanks again, Allison, and may God grant you the strength to continue looking after your family and to live.


Aug 07, 2012
Broken Leg/Broken Heart
by: Doreen U.K.

Alison I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. Your post is such a lovely well written Love Story.
Yes! FOR ME also. I echo your sentiments that I am glad that I am the other half that will go after Steve. It was a privelege to nurse my husband and be his caregiver. I would have hated for him to suffer a loss, or a death. I got to carry his pain and loss of health and not he carry mine. I do miss Steve. I don't have him here to put an elastoplast on my finger when I cut myself so badly, or cook a lovely meal. Steve loved cooking. I feel Blessed reading your Love Story. May God go with you in life and Bless you every day forever.

Aug 07, 2012
by: Anonymous

Dear Allison,

I am so very sorry for your loss. What you wrote struck a chord with me. I've been so dazed by the loss of my beloved that I haven't considered this perspective. Thank you.

"The only positive I've found so far in this horrible new phase of my life is that I am so very thankful that I am the remaining half of our life. I would never ever wish this pain on him for an instant."


Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!