Broken Leg//Broken Life

by Allison

I posted last week about how my dear Kent suddenly died. It's been 9 months of change, compromise and just plain basic coping with my new life. The latest challenge is tonight for I had to sell the family cottage of 32 years and the deal closes tomorrow. It feels like I've sold a huge part of us. I am feeling just as terrible as during those first days when he died. During the month that Kent was in hospital before he died we had a little saying that we often shared - "I just want things to be the way they were." Not to be and he paid the ultimate price.. I am angry, hurt, lonely and just plain fed up with this living nightmare.. Tomorrow will bring a new day and, being the over-achiever I am, I will put on the happy face for the world to judge me by and get through yet another day. I have a loving family, an incredibly sweet dog and lots of friends so why can't I feel better? Time will heal all so they say. Sure hope "they" are right. Things will never be the same again and I will never be the same person I once was. May I gradually accept this new life and the new me with grace and humility. Tonight this is my prayer.

Comments for Broken Leg//Broken Life

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Aug 17, 2012
Broken Leg / Broken Life
by: Doreen U.K.

Alison things will never be the same again after a loss of any kind. We just learn to live with change. But I don't like change. I don't want to learn new things or meet new people, or establish new relationships. I want my husband back. Steve died 3 months ago. I want our old life back. This is just part of our grief. You are feeling sad, lonely, and fed up because your 32yrs.of living in your cottage is ending. This is a significant loss. I used to have nightmares of changing homes. In my dreams I was always unhappy and wanted to go back to the home I was the happiest in. I am being forced to process another move since Steve died. Whether to stay in this big house with only 2 people or move to a smaller home that is easier to heat and the bills would be smaller. Or to stay here and economise. Steve died in our lounge and I need new memories but I don't want the hassle of looking for another home and then all the stress that goes with this. We have been in this house for 30yrs. Like you this is a lot of memories. No decisions should be made in the midst of grief otherwise it could compound our grief and we won't be able to go back to where we were. You say that you have good friends, and family in your life and other good things and you should be happy but you are not. You are grieving the loss of your dog and now your home. We are now fractured people after a loss. CHANGE has rocked our world and we will take a long time to RECOVER.

Aug 17, 2012
I can understand
by: Anonymous

I can relate I sold our family home in may one year after my mother died. I lived with my Parents how that they were both gone I could not stand the memories so I sold it. My father died ten years ago of cancer and my mother April 7, 2011. I am an only child and unmarried so basically a 46 year old orphan. My mother died in the hospital 13 days after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer she suffered the pains of hell. I prayed to god to take me and not her. My mother lived for me. Now I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and am on high levels of medication. Like u I put the fake smile on my face and pretend with the world that I am fine. But I am far from fine. I am angry sad and a million other emotions. What did I ever do to be punished like this with all this pain. My mothers loss is killing me. How do we go on when this is not living it is only existing. Time is making it worse and not easier. I like u would give everything to hav things back the way they were. I hav distanced myself from many friends and extended family becuz they don't understand that I hav a broken heart and it is not healing. They want the old me back but that person is gone dead and buried.

Aug 17, 2012
I am sorry, My prayers are with you
by: Nancy

I will not even pretend to know what you are going through because I can't. Each one of us walk our own journey but I want you to know that my prayers are with you and you are not alone, the God of your understanding is walking with you, or He may even be carrying you. You say that you have a great support system in the way of family and friends that is great. Take all the time you need to take care of yourself. Do the things you need to do to allow yourself to heal, there is no timetable that says its over now. Just know this one things there are a number of us on this site that can appreciate hearing your story and are encouraged to hear how you doing. So check in every now and then and let us know...don't pretend just tell us like it is...the good and the not so good... we are not here to judge you..just to walk with you and love on friend Nancy

Aug 17, 2012
almost the same
by: Clive [south africa]

For me a two week illness, nine months ago 13-11-2011 my Jackie was taken from me.I know exactly how you feel.One keeps going on day after day barely making each day.They say things get better i see things getting worse for me.I feel exactly the same as you.Be strong i am sure our loved ones would want us to........

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