This just so isn't me. It must be true that romantic love is a neurosis & akin psychologically to hard drug addictions. I can't get over how hard this is & how i can't seem to 'function' or think clearly through situations.
I think things & realize even when i'm thinking them that they're paranoid delusions, but still i end up in tears. i try not to be annoying to my friends but it's not working, i end up whining about what he did. And maybe i could even get through it & move on but he just keeps coming back, & i can't seem to even force myself to just STOP loving him. There's an invisible grip here & he won't release me & i can't release myself.
In clearer times i've tried being healthy about the whole thing, setting boundaries, doing things on my own away from him, but it always comes back to the same thing. I'm so in love with him. When he tells me he doesn't want to end it & he loves me, everything else disappears. But he just can't stop the cruelty.