BROKEN

by TABITHA
(MS)

I LOST MY DAD ON 5-16-10 WHEN HE WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS HOME; 15 HOURS AFTER HE DIED I LOST MY MIND. THE NIGHT OF HIS SHOWING, I TOLD MY CHILDREN NOT TO COME BACK TO PAWPAW'S HOUSE WITH ME THAT NIGHT. I HAD PLANNED TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD THAT NIGHT. THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T WAS BECAUSE I SMELT ROSES. I KNEW IN MY HEART THAT IT WAS MY DADDY'S WAY OF TELLING ME NOT TO. I FEEL LIKE I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM EVERY THING. BUT I CAN'T I FEEL LOST AND BROKEN. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING, ALL I DO IS STAY HOME. I FEEL LIKE I'M LOOSEN THE FIGHT FOR MY MIND. I KNOW I'M UNSTABLE AND VERY BITTER. I TAKE IT OUT ON ANYBODY WHO TALKS TO ME.

Comments for
BROKEN

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Jun 18, 2012
 Dear Broken
by: Anonymous

Hello,
I have also lost my dad and 2 children before that my kids died 2 years apart then my dad my dad was my everything. Icant even bare to go to my moms cause dads not there my moms in her 80s and i use to go there all the time but since my dad died i havent been there too see her and i know in my heart dad would not want me to be that way but i cant help it.I call mom ask her if she wants to go somewhere she says no i just cant........ SO MY MESSAGE TO YOU IS IS THAT THE WAY HE WOULD WANT YOU TO BE DEPRESSED ?????????????????
Nov 12, 2010
 hi
by: Ashleigh

Dear Broken,

Please take care of yourself. I lost my dad two weeks ago, and I feel lost. Reading all these posts I see we're not alone. Not that it makes it easier, but just know that, you're not alone. And please be well for yourself and your children.
Aug 11, 2010
 Your Comforter
by: Sandra

Hi Broken. I understand your grief. I had already lost 2 brothers a few years ago.. Last year my last brother was found dead in his home and 3 months later my mother died. During this time I was going through a difficult divorce as was my daughter. The only present help that I found was in Jesus Christ. He understands what I am feeling, why I am angry, why I am sad, all of the crazy emotions that I have experienced. No matter how bad I act, He loves me unconditionally. He holds my tears in His hand. He comforts me. In Him I find rest and sanity. Turn your life over to Jesus...let Him bring you out of your valley. You WILL make it through this difficult time, do not let satan tell you otherwise. You might FEEL like you want to die or that you are going crazy, but you are not! Grief is a natural emotion. Acknowledge your RIGHT to grieve,and do it, but dont stay there..joy will come in the morning. My prayer for you is that God reveal Himself to you as your Comforter. Reach out to Him right now!
Aug 11, 2010
 you are not alone
by: kay

Hello Tabitha when I lost my son of 23, I wanted to go with him, I wanted to kill myself. The pain was so intense I too thought I would lose my mind. I have been crying every day since it happened, on May 11 2010.I had to go to talk to someone where I would pour out my intense pain and loss, crying all the time. The way we are feeling now is so bad.....would we wish that on those who are in our lives?

No don't do anything to harm your self, talk to a professional. Please, it's worth a try. I know that My life will never ever be the same. Same as yours...I am sending you love and healing,xxx
Aug 10, 2010
 Loss of Father
by: Brenda

I lost my father 12years after I lost my mother. He had become both father and mother to me so his death was very hard. I went through the things you are going through now. But I did get through it. I think of my father all the time but now I can do so without feeling pain. It took a long time to get where I am and now I have to start the whole journey all over again. God gave me a son and that boy looked and acted like my father. He was such a blessing but he was sick. He had type 1 diabetes and could not control his sugar. He died from complications of the diabetes. He was found dead on May 21. Now all the grief, pain and suffering is back again only two fold. I feel like I have lost my father all over again as well as my son. So I am traveling this road with you now and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Aug 10, 2010
 BROKEN
by: ANN

I CAN CERTAINLY RELATE TO HOW YOU FEEL. LAST JULY 2009 I LOST MY MOM A WEEK AFTER WE FOUND OUT SHE HAD CANCER. MY BROTHER AND I HAD A TERRIBLE TIME ADJUSTING, BUT WE HAD EACH OTHER AND OUR FAMILIES. THIS JULY 2210, I LOST MY BROTHER AFTER A THREE WEEK ILLNESS. THIS TIME I'M ALONE. WHY?
ONLY GOD KNOWS. I HAVEN'T HEALED FROM LOSS OF MOM
AND NOW MY SWEET BROTHER IS GONE. I AM A CHRISTIAN, AND HAVE STRONG FAITH. I KNOW GOD NEVER GIVES US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE. BUT IT
SURE FEELS LIKE IT. AT TIMES I CRY FOR HOURS. AT TIMES I FEEL NUMB AND SAD. LONELY. BUT I KEEP DOING WHAT I CAN TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY IF NOT FOR ME, FOR MY CHILDREN, ALL GROWN, BUT THEY STILL NEED ME. WE ALL NEED EACH OTHER, AND WE SHARE THAT LOVE AND STRENGTH. YOU HAD A SIGN, THE ROSES. A ROSE IS A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER, A GIFT,
AN HONOR WHEN WE RECEIVE THEM. THEY'RE SPECIAL.
THAT'S YOUR MESSAGE. YOU'RE SPECIAL TO HIM AND
HE WAS TELLING YOU THAT. HE WOULD WANT YOU TO GO ON, IT'S VERY HARD, BUT EVENTUALLY WE MAKE IT.
MY PRAYER TO YOU MY FRIEND.
Aug 10, 2010
 Broken
by: Rhonda

My daugter was found in her apt. on 1-10-10 So I understand the lost and broken feelings.. I am so sorry for your loss. Please call someone for help, Your local hospital can refer you to support groups.
You are not alone in this pain and struggle...
Aug 10, 2010
 Getting there...
by: HH

Getting where I am 8 months in isn't easy. There are still hard days, like a slap in the face.

But you need to seek help, though you probably won't listen. Your mind is traveling at the speed of light, hearing seeing nothing. But if you just sit for a second, just a moment, you know that it is not your time.

How do you adjust when the most important thing was torn from your life? There are no easy answers....I found that staying busy, not at home too many memories. Work; work hard distract yourself with work. And they will still pop up those memories, but that is o.k he meant the world to you and it is hard, in fact insurmountable at first.

But, find someone who will listen, a counselor a friend, tell them about all the unjustness, unfairness. In the end you need to move along and allow change. It is slow, in fact excruciating, but it will slowly happen... HH

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