by kara
(chicago, il, usa)

I'm hoping this might be a place where I can get the hugs I've yet to find during the past 3yrs.
Sept 2007 my 17yr cat, Mikhail, passed away. I adopted him 1 week after college graduation. He was only 10wks old. His death was not unexpected...he'd spent the previous 3 months up/down in health. So, when he passed, it was devastating and created a HUGE void in my life. But as a normal path of life, I began to heal from it by December 2007.

When I returned from a holiday trip, 1Jan 2008, I discovered my other kitty, Fred, very ill. The next day I took him to the vet who informed me he had an aggressive rare form of cancer. My boyfriend and I spent 10 days desperately trying to save him, but ended up needed to euthanize him. Given his younger age -- and his apparent hearty physical condition only 2 weeks earlier -- this was a shocking loss. I could not cope-- I responded to my now empty home by fostering a dog, Kennedy, who'd been rescued with her litter of puppies.

May 2008 her daughter was returned by her adopters. I fostered her. My bf adopted her "to keep the family together"

July 2008 I lost my job of 3yrs.

September 2008 I was accused of fraud by CA unemployment (clerk mis-read my claim) hence any money stopped coming in.

October 2008 Kennedy's son was returned. I fostered him. My bf adopted him "to keep the family together"

December 14, 2008 I lost my home and moved in with my abusive mother in IL.

December 28 2008 my bf of 3.5yrs (who'd talked of marriage before) dumped me. I was 40 when he broke us up. I desperately wanted children...the break was also a loss of my lifetime dream to have children.

July 2009 my grandmother died.

Dec 2009 I abruptly moved out of my mother's home and ceased all contact with her due to her abuse.

March 2010 my ex-bf began a relationship with someone new and as a result, cut off all ties to the 2 puppies.

I'm sure the cats/dogs do not seem significant. However, I do not have children so these animals ARE my children. I feel like I lost 4 in 2yrs.

I'm so depressed. I can't get out there and sell myself to employers. I'm scared. The ex-bf says he has to cut me out of the dogs' lives due to my "emotional mood swings". I think my behaviour with him has been consistent with any woman who lost so much. I love him and hate him at the same time. And I've been dealing with so many other losses too. And now the loss of the 2 puppies too.

Anyway- thanks for listening....I'm normally very resilient to setbacks/loss...but I can't take it anymore. I'm broken.

Comments for Broken

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Mar 16, 2011
Big HUG for us all
by: paula

We ALL need to stand united! Big (((( HUGS))) TO US ALL, thank God for this forum so we have support. Be strong, pray, stay busy and keep reading this forum. All the stuff it says to do is the same thing my counselor says to do, and he charges big bucks.

Nov 11, 2010
by: Anonymous

Here's a big big HUG for you.. i'm so sorry. It all sounds so overwhelming and I hope that you're doing alright. I have no advice because I have lost my love and pretty much cry daily. But I wanted to send you a hug.

Nov 10, 2010
by: Anonymous

Here's a big ((((((((HUG)))))))) for you.

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