(chicago, il, usa)
I'm hoping this might be a place where I can get the hugs I've yet to find during the past 3yrs.
Sept 2007 my 17yr cat, Mikhail, passed away. I adopted him 1 week after college graduation. He was only 10wks old. His death was not unexpected...he'd spent the previous 3 months up/down in health. So, when he passed, it was devastating and created a HUGE void in my life. But as a normal path of life, I began to heal from it by December 2007.
When I returned from a holiday trip, 1Jan 2008, I discovered my other kitty, Fred, very ill. The next day I took him to the vet who informed me he had an aggressive rare form of cancer. My boyfriend and I spent 10 days desperately trying to save him, but ended up needed to euthanize him. Given his younger age -- and his apparent hearty physical condition only 2 weeks earlier -- this was a shocking loss. I could not cope-- I responded to my now empty home by fostering a dog, Kennedy, who'd been rescued with her litter of puppies.
May 2008 her daughter was returned by her adopters. I fostered her. My bf adopted her "to keep the family together"
July 2008 I lost my job of 3yrs.
September 2008 I was accused of fraud by CA unemployment (clerk mis-read my claim) hence any money stopped coming in.
October 2008 Kennedy's son was returned. I fostered him. My bf adopted him "to keep the family together"
December 14, 2008 I lost my home and moved in with my abusive mother in IL.
December 28 2008 my bf of 3.5yrs (who'd talked of marriage before) dumped me. I was 40 when he broke us up. I desperately wanted children...the break was also a loss of my lifetime dream to have children.
July 2009 my grandmother died.
Dec 2009 I abruptly moved out of my mother's home and ceased all contact with her due to her abuse.
March 2010 my ex-bf began a relationship with someone new and as a result, cut off all ties to the 2 puppies.
I'm sure the cats/dogs do not seem significant. However, I do not have children so these animals ARE my children. I feel like I lost 4 in 2yrs.
I'm so depressed. I can't get out there and sell myself to employers. I'm scared. The ex-bf says he has to cut me out of the dogs' lives due to my "emotional mood swings". I think my behaviour with him has been consistent with any woman who lost so much. I love him and hate him at the same time. And I've been dealing with so many other losses too. And now the loss of the 2 puppies too.
Anyway- thanks for listening....I'm normally very resilient to setbacks/loss...but I can't take it anymore. I'm broken.