I lost my mom last year on June 23, 2011. She went into the hospital for surgery the beginning of June to remove a spot on her lung. ( they just happen to find it in a scan after she had phenomena a year prior) She was fine, no problems just scared. So they went in and removed part of the lung that happened to be cancer. She made it out of the surgery, was up walking and doing fantastic. Day 3 she was getting off the iv and other things and then her O2 starting to drop. Long story short, she started getting worse, eventually ended up in intensive care, where they eventually had to intubate her and just went down from there. The hard part of it all...she was cancer free. it was caught so early that it didn't spread. It was hard watching her go through it. Especially the day I went in and could see she was upset and had a tear running down her face...that moment is etched in my mind and breaks my heart!
I was 37, no kids and my mom was a very big part of my life. She was probably more like my friend than my mom who I fought with, laughed with and drove each other crazy. I lost my dad coming up 10 years prior which was very difficult to deal with. He passed at home with us caring for him...he was 54. My mom was 69. My dad was my moms soul mate...I am trying to find peace that they are together but I don't. I am so beyond devastated that she's gone I can barely breathe most days. I tried the doctor and anti-depressants but it didn't really do much for me. I have 3 older sisters that haven't made things very easy through this. I even said prior to my mom passing that "OMG if she ever left me, look who she would leave me with" and here I am. All my aunts, uncles and grandparents have passed as well. I had a big family at one point and I am sitting here at 38 with almost no one left. I am trying to focus on the people that have it worse than me. I know people have lost more, been through more and have dealt with harder issues but it doesn't seem to be working right now. I am still in a state of shock over it and I can't get use to her being gone...I really feel the universe made a huge mistake and it will correct itself somehow (I know this isn't gonna happen) but it's how I feel. I just don't know how to live without my mom!...it's a lot to take being my only parent left! I am waiting for the day I can take that deep breath again!