by Deidra
(Hampton, GA)

On February 18, 2012...I lost my son Curtis to a blood clot that traveled to his heart. He was 33 years old and my only child. Two weeks later after I buried my son my mother passed on March 9, 2012. I have lost my 2 best friends. I feel that I'm living in a fog on some other planet and I can't wake up. I go through each day pretending everything will be alright but my life will "never' be the same. My mother had been sick with Lupus for several years but the loss of her grandson was too much. I'm devastated and even though I believe in God I feel that Curtis was so cheated in life. He was engaged to get married next year. And he deserved a wife a children...why was I left here it's so unfair. I know my friends & family mean well but the loss of my son and mother back to back is just a little too mcuh!!! I cry every day...I was buying a house now I don't want one, I don't want to work. I feel guilty about doing simply things as "eating". I'm trying to do normal things but nothing is normal anymore. I know that they are in heaven...but I'm missing them so much.

Comments for Brokenhearted

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Jul 31, 2012
trying to get over it
by: Anonymous

My son died June 14 2012 he was 32 i adored him everyday seems to get darker for me. its only been 6 weeks and people want me to get over it, if i cry my husband says i need to think of something else, yes he is my son's father. he wants to get rid of the internet because he says i will get over it faster if i dont dwell on it. but i have no friends family or groups to help .....i have no choice but to get over it and move on i just do not know how.

May 12, 2012
My darling son
by: Barbara

2nd dec 2011 my partner suddenly died with no warning of a heart attack, 8th feb 2012 my 91 yr.old mother suddenly died of suspected stroke, my eldest son was living with me at the time, with all this grief I decided to treat myself and my son to a break in eygpt then on 16th mar 2012 whilst in eygpt my son had a brain anuresym and died, in four months I have lost the three most important people in my life in such a short space of time.
I may have many friends and family but feel very alone.
I am trying to cope with this grief each day which is very hard thinking and loving those three loved ones.

May 07, 2012
Traveling the same road
by: Victoria Infante

I lost my 28 year old Justin 34 months ago in a car accident. He is still my first waking thought and my last thought as I fall asleep. The shock has lessened but the missing is worse. I still find it hard to believe that he is gone from my life. I think grief is our connection to our lost child. It is at times unbearable but it is a connection and we take whatever connection we can get. They will always be our sons regardless of where they are. I like to believe that he is with me spiritually, although I haven't seen his spirit. I believe I have received signs but know it could be wishful thinking. We will never get over their deaths but hopefully we will find a way to bring them along with us if only in our hearts and minds. I still remember how his hugs felt and how it felt when he kissed my cheek. He was warm and loving to me and I am thankful for who he was. I am grateful that 34 months haven't faded those memories at all.

May 05, 2012
Only God can Mend Your Broken Heart
by: Rose

Sounds cliche, I know..but the truth is-He heals. I lost my daughter last year-a simple test and the doctor made a horrible mistake that cost her her life. She left 3 babies and a husband..she was 34 yeas young. I understand the fog and sometimes wish I could go back there but then I realize I have come a long way this past year and only with God's help. He has lifted soome of the grief and given me some peace. Enough that I know I can't go back, she isn't there. But I can reach out-past my pain and help someone else..


May 05, 2012
I understand
by: carol,seans mom

Deidre, I understand. I lost my 24 year old son November 15,2011. They talked of a blood clot to his heart also. We spent a full day in icu after he did not wake up. When they finally were able to do chest xray's they saw a blood clot sitting on his heart. They tried for a day to treat him and his brain. His brain lost oxygen to it and Sean was brain dead. They told me early on he lost his speech,hearing and sight. I was like Are you kidding me? How did I go from having a fairly normal life to this disaster? My life is hard and painful now. I do not know why some of us have to suffer more than others. I do not know why our sons did not get to live the lives they deserved to. Life is really unfair and makes no sense at all to me anymore. I am so sorry for your losses. I still have my mom and I am thankful. I can't handle any more loss.

May 04, 2012
by: Dot

Dear Diadra
I feel your pain i am so sorry for your losses, i have lost my mum and my son but not back to back,
my mum was my best friend and my son was my rock, the pain i feel now is like you, my son only went last week, i feel guilty at doing things as you say simple things like eating, i havent returned to work yet but, dont want to, i know i will but i feel like i am in another world, im so sorry for you
god bless Dot

May 04, 2012
It gets better
by: Phil

Just know that it gets better, although it never goes away your life is precious too, and you will be happy again. Go to the gym, work out, it makes the pain better you less insane trust me I know, my heart goes out to you, you will be ok, again working out for a half hour, get a good night sleep, things will look better in the morning. Check into a bereavement group in you area,it really helps. There are people who care, reach out to them, you reached out here (good call) this all helps, read all the stages of grief on this site and all the resources check it all out. Really good! I wish you the best don't ever give up!

May 04, 2012
Brokenhearted Too
by: Anonymous

My heart breaks for you. My son died at 33 too after a 3 day illness. My mother died 9 months prior to my son's death. My mother was 95 when she died. I had little time to grieve for her. I am somewhat relieved Mom died before my son. I was afraid she would have judged me that I should have known something was wrong with my son...that I hadn't taken good care of him. I was ashamed of myself.

It's been 15 months since my son died. The raw grief of waking up each morning with him being the first thought on my mind, the unreality/reality that he is gone, has lessened. But I will never be the same nor will my husband and my living sons. We are changed! The joy of living is not the same. But we must go on...

I promise you will find the way. Please seek bereavement counseling. It will help. Pray alot.
I'm sure Curtis was a kind and loving son. All of us who have lost our children feel the same...why our sweet child!

I will pray for you and Curtis and all of us who have lost our beloved children no matter their age.

May 04, 2012
Sorry Brokenhearted
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your painful loss. I lost my son exactly one week before you lost your son. He was 36 and died suddenly. We found out later that he had bacteria that got into bloodstream and poisoned his whole body. He died within 24 hours of feeling ill. He left behind a wife who adored him and she was five months pregnant.

I still cry so much. I am a strong woman of faith and I cry out to God often to give me the strength to bear this. Though we will be happy to meet his son in just six more weeks, I am grieved beyond words that he will never know his father. I have to fight not to let my mind wonder what our relationship with him will be down the road. We have a great relationship with his wife but his father won't be there to integrate him into our world.

The pain is great and probably will be around a while. Don't give up and even if you don't feel God, He is there, and will give you the strength needed each day.

God bless you.

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