Brother I miss you, why did you have to go?

by DeAnna
(Yankton, SD)

My little brother Tim died on Sept.12,2012 he was just 24 years old. He crashed his car on the interstate in the early morning hours and had gotten out of his car and was hit by a semi truck. This tragic and horrific scene has played over and over in my head. I think he must have fallen asleep and was dazed from the initial accident. My family is devastated we are all very close. We didn't get to bury Tim for 6 more days cause he was a few states away that morning. Waiting for his body to come back home to us was unbearable. 10 days since that horrible morning,...I am numb. Just want my brother back and our lives to return to the way they were. I know that will never happen. Your big sister is missing you Tim. It still does not seem real. All your family wants is you back. I Love you and we will never ever forget you.

Comments for Brother I miss you, why did you have to go?

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Oct 02, 2012
DeAnna
by: Diego

Dear DeAnna, I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother…unfortunately I can say I understand you perfectly, my beloved little bro died 3 months ago (he was only 26) suddenly from a freak cardiac arrhythmia, he was my best friend…to be honest I don’t know how I made it to this point, for the first two months I was numb living in auto-pilot mode, I felt like I was in a movie, so unreal, I can barely remember those days…I was full of anger, I feel cheated…probably the same feelings you are having right now…at this moment there’s nothing I can say or anybody that will make you feel better, you have to cry, cry as much as you can, every moment you want, don’t let anybody tell you “don’t worry time will heal it”, they don’t know a thing about this terrible feeling, you have to grief at your own peace, one moment at a time, one breath at a time…stay strong DeAnna, this is my e-mail descobarledesma@gmail.com in case you want to talk or something, I know by experienced that in these terrible moments there’s nothing better than talk to someone who really understand this. Please remember this quote every time you feel broken “If you're going through hell, keep going - Sir Winston Churchill”.

Sep 27, 2012
Brother I miss you, whey did you have to go?
by: Doreen U.K.

DeAnna you are probably going through the worst experience of your life. To lose your brother at such a young age, and Your parents lose their son is the worst cruelty to bear. I am sure your brother must have known he was loved deeply by you all his family. Our families now become fractured more. If we cut ourselves we can put pressure on the wound and the bleeding stops. Our hearts are bleeding and there is nothing we can do to stop this. Our tears are the same. Grief is like having a tumor that grows and grows and goes on growing. Grief becomes our new cancer. There is no cure for what we have to go through. I am not functioning like I should be. I don't know how to. You will be feeling the same way. Pain that overflows. If you as a family are finding grief difficult, then see a grief counsellor who will support you as you all work through your grief. You will probably feel more vulnerable to loss. Wondering who will leave you next. This is also part of grief. I hope you all as a family find Peace and Comfort in your Grief and Loss.

Sep 27, 2012
I understand completely
by: Rebecca

Lynn, I know all too well how you are feeling. When my son passed away, he had been living 2.5 hours away in an apartment with two roommates . Prior to that he
lived in a fraternity while attending USC. He left home for college in 2007. When he left home I cried every morning when I didn't see him to tell him to have a good day, At night when I set the table for dinner, At bedtime when I told him good night (while he stayed up doing homework until the early morning. Ken is my firstborn. I had him when I was 19 and always felt that we grew up together. I learned unconditional love when I felt him move inside me, I learned responsibility the instant he woke up in the middle of the night the first time, and so on. Two and a half years later I had his brother and they started as friends and remained the best of friends. Traditions we have had as a family for the past 21 years will have to change this year. I'm so frightened all the time, I tremor constantly. Some days I couldn't get out of bed. July 6 changed my life instantly. I will never be the same person I was before; I'm missing a part of me and I physically feel that pain. What will we do on the holidays? I worry about the future but I can't stand watching the time on the clock...the days seem very long now. I wait until night comes so I can close my eyes and try to sleep in more than 20 minute increments.

I joined a parent grief support group and it helps me to get out of the house and talk to people who understand the agony I feel. I am told by others that it never goes away, we will also never get over it, but they say we can get through it. I have two other kids who live at home. I am their support and they are mine. I am very protective of my family normally. This has increased tenfold. One foot in front of the other is all we can do.

Sep 26, 2012
My wonderful son! Yankton, SD
by: DeAnna & Tim's Mom-Lynn

My daughter DeAnna has already told the details of the loss of our dear Tim. His accident has played over & over in my head. Everytime I close my eyes I'm horrified by what I see. The loss of my son,my baby, has changed me forever. The outlook for the future, I'm not sure how to look into the future. How do you look forward to the next hour, day, etc? I see his wonderful smile everywhere, but the loss of his physical being, is more than I can bear. We are now broken. Our family has a huge hole in it. I remember our last conversation as if it was right now, Mom don't worry, I'll be alright. But he isn't alright. I just miss & love him so very much. I,(like my daughter) hope he knew how very much we all cherish him. We are a close family, so I have to believe he knew. A kind, loving life, just gone! He will never,ever be forgotten. With all my heart-I Love You my dear, dear Tim.
Lynn

Sep 25, 2012
Loss
by: Rebecca

I lost my 23 year old son, Kenny, on July 6. I do not know what it's like to lose a sibling but I do have two other children that are going through the pain of losing their brother. My younger son is 21 and he and Kenny were so similar and so close that it's almost if they are one person. Ken had left for college a couple of years ago but he and his brother talked daily. Ken was an idol to his brother and remains so in his heart. My younger son told me that returning to activities and work saved his mind from going on a downward spiral. I find that keeping myself busy is a distraction so that I'm not dwelling on the negative. You have to be compassionate with yourself, allow your grief to enter your mind and let it out thru tears, yelling, or whatever you need. There are many good support groups out there for parents and siblings who've suffered the same loss. It helps to see how others have coped and what tools they used to get through it. "Through" is the key word as you will never get over the loss but you can make it through the pain with the love of your family, friends, and with the love of your brother in your heart. I wish you well. Rebecca

Sep 24, 2012
Doreen, thank you.
by: DeAnna

Dear Doreen, thank you for your comments. My heart is so broken. My mother and father are torn apart. We expect Timmy to walk down the stairs of my parents house, hair all messy, and say what's up. He still lived at home with mom and dad, he had a home based computer business. He was always loved, but I don't know if he knew how much. We all wished we had more time. There were 5 kids in our immidiate family, the youngest of us is only 13. He looks just like Tim. We keep accidentally calling him Tim, he is just on our minds. I feel horrible for him, he seems ok keeping himself busy on the computer and with school. I don't know how we will ever be ourselves again without Tim. He was a part of us and to lose him so horribly. The thought of his death repeats itself over and over. Cannot write anymore.. to many tears to continue.

Sep 23, 2012
Brother I miss you, why did you have to go?
by: Doreen U.K.

DeAnna I am sorry for your loss of your brother in a sudden tragic accident. I am sorry for your parents loss of a son. This pain and grief is more than we can bear at times. The numbness, shock, and disbelief that this loss has happened is in some way our protection from falling apart. It is like having shock absorbers. Then the crying and searching for our loved one to come back home. I am at this stage now after losing my husband of 44yrs. to cancer almost 5 months ago. Every day is HELL. I can't begin to move forward. To lose someone from your life so young and an integral part of your life is something you will never recover from. You will just get used to living with your loss in time. Life seems to lose its meaning and it is as if nothing matters again in life.

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