Bubba T

by Mrs Rainbow

My Aunty was my mum, from the day I was born she was there for me (through happy times and hard times, supporting me in the wonders of life).
When she was 40 she started to become depressed, not herself, changes physically and emotionally, family members were telling her to "snap out of it", I knew it was something more. For months after that I attended every doctor appointment and helped her at home, she was officially diagnosed with "Young Onset Parkinson's Disease" in 2007 aged just 42 years.
The deterioration of my Aunt happened quickly and doctors and specialists doubted her diagnosis many times, she lost her balance, then the ability to walk and talk, she became bed bound and her body locked and she had spasms. I felt so helpless.
She slipped in and out of consciousness and sadly passed away on 27th Jan 2014, just 20 mins after I visited her (I feel so guilty I wasn't there).
I had plenty of time to deal with the fact that I was going to lose her, but once it happened I'm left with a big question of "why?" She was only 49 years old and suffered for years, it makes me feel angry and I can't go one day without thinking about her and all the details of her suffering.... I want to go back to my life before she became ill and I want to be able to laugh without feeling guilty....

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Jan 11, 2015
Bubba T
by: Doreen UK

Mrs. Rainbow I am so sorry for your loss of your aunt. Guilt is an aspect of grief and your guilt you feel now may pass as soon as it started. if it doesn't you may benefit from seeing a grief counselor for support. You will one day be able to laugh again and life will be normal.
I lost my husband to a deadly cancer almost 3yrs. ago and I nursed him for 3yrs.39 days before he died of a painful cancer. I felt helpless and hopeless to help care for him as best as I could despite the pain he was in. I could not save him or help him beyond my limitations. You will be able to reclaim your life back. As the days unfold so does our grief, and memories. They have no where to go but into our subconscious mind, where most of our internal assaults come from.
You need to nurture yourself at this difficult time and try to resolve your pain at losing your aunt. Knowing there was nothing you could do to make things better. FOCUS is the key to helping ourselves move forward better from our loss.

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