Buried my heart with my love

by Karen
(flemington nj)

My soulmate, the man of my dreams, died suddenly from a heart attack, he was only 41 years old. It has been two months since he passed and it feels as though it just happened. I'm still waiting for him to come home to me and our children. Owen is my world, we did everything together and I don't know how to live without him. I love the life we had and have no desire to start a new life. Just when I feel as though I will be ok I fall to my knees, the pain is too much to bear.

We were together for nineteen years and only spent one night apart. I can't imagine my life without him. We were suppose to be together forever, our love was like no other. It was warm and real and all of my friends wanted their owen. I wish everyone can experience true love, It's magical. I wish I could have experienced it for many more years to come. Owen is a one of a kind and everyone that met him remembered his love for life and family and most of all me.

I have tremendous guilt because the day my love passed he ask if i wanted to go for a ride with him, we were going to come right back because we needed to pick up our daughter from the bus. If I had gone he would not have gone to play basketball.

My heart is shattered into tiny pieces and I will never be the same again. I'm glad you were mine, thanks Owen for showing me what unconditional love is. I will always love you. There will never be another. My heart is yours forever.

Comments for Buried my heart with my love

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Nov 23, 2010
buried my heart
by: Jules

Please don't feel blame - I too felt this same emotion - if I had stayed with my John on the Thursday night in the hospital maybe I could have held on to him, he wouldn't have suffered the massive bleed, - but in reality I know that nothing I could have done would have saved him.

He has been gone twelve months now, I miss him every day - but I know that it was his time to go, he had initially had a stroke which left him paralysed down the right side (which means his stroke was on the left side - the "creative" or doing side) - there is no way he could have lived like that. He was a man who painted, made things, did things - how could he have lived with paralysis? That would have been much worse than death, I know he would have felt that, and I know that even though I miss him so much, I would not have selfishly wished that on him.

You will carry on - you have children, family and friends - including the friends you will make on this site - I have relied heavily on this site - I still do - join in anytime - vent your frustrations here - there is always someone to listen and talk to .

Take care.
jules

Nov 23, 2010
Been there, done that
by: Patricia

Its only be 5 months and many times like yourself I feel shattered, bruised and broken. How can we go on? They were our life and being. The pain at time unbearable but we have the strength inside us, we just have to look. I'm facing my 1st holidays alone. Its feels like day 1 all over again. No one understands the blame game like us. If I had not gone back to work I would have been with him that the day. The day after Fathers Day. As his caretaker/wife. I was experienced in emergency response, it happen twice I was there. The third time I was unable to save him. It was his time as they say, we don't have to like it and getting mad is part of the process ~ it sucks at times. So talk, say it how ever many times ~ keep a journal and remember the memories for what they are at that time. Happy this day, fun that and can you believe we did that? You can do it as my cousin once told me and a belief I try to remember;
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~

Nov 19, 2010
The blame game
by:

Karen,

Please don't play the blame game. We all have played the what if.....The guilt is debilitating and unproductive. Heading towards the year mark I know that your new grief is sooooo incredibly painful. I still have pangs of pain especially with the "holidays" coming up.

Grief must take its course but regardless none of us are to blame. All we did was love them with all our hearts, and they know it.
HH

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