Butterfly

by Teresa
(Frankfort, KY )

I started at my work a little over 7 years ago. I work with a small group of women and men and most of the time we are all like family. I have never really worked in an environment where people seemed to genuinely care for one another, including their families.

About two years ago my branch manager was diagnosed with cancer. Her spleen was enlarged and they gave her medicine to treat that. She never really seemed sick at first, just a little tired. She always took everything in stride and was very happy. She went through tons and tons of treatments to what seemed no avail. The cancer would remain. (I know I am supposed to tell this, but it still makes me a little sick to stomach to think about)

My friend had to have stem cell transplant done and the dr. felt sure this would take care of the cancer. It seemed to for a little while. She started to get sick. One thing after another. Viruses, retaining fluid, high blood pressure...she was in rehab when her health declined for the last time. It all seemed to happen so quickly.

I am trying to get passed the fact that my friend and confident is gone. Each day seems a little better than before, but sometimes it is still difficult to breath, when I think of her office at work, or all the things she has given me. I feel resentful toward the colorful purple, because it was hers, and I hate to see butterflies because she loved them. People tell well you just have to go on it is a part of life, and I understand that, it is just that this part affected me to the extent that I can't really explain to anyone. I want to get over it. Believe you me. I want to be just like them! But I am not like them and I can only try to cope in ways that I know how.

My friend was a special person, but now I must find a way to let her go. Thank you for letting me tell my story. Writing seems to help.

Comments for Butterfly

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Dec 08, 2012
Butterfly
by: Doreen U.K.

Teresa I am sorry for your loss of this special person in your life.
You are grieving and you also had a deep love for this person that you lost which is why certain things relating to her bother and upset you and you just don't like them. This is not a fault or anything wrong with you.
You could see a counsellor who will explore this area with you and it may never bother you again. Or you may be able to find out why this aversion to the colour purple and butterflies is so intense that it bothers you.
It may work itself out in time. I lost my husband 7 months ago and I have just been able to take his clothes to the Salvation Army. It was hard but I managed to detach myself from this for a while. Steve is not coming back. He is not going to use these clothes. Better they Bless someone else. If I really had to think on those beautiful shirts and clothing I would never have given them away. I had to FOCUS on what was the right thing to do. How this would benefit others. I just cannot look at Steve's personal things. I don't know when I will be able to do this. I cannot bring myself to give away Steve's cowboy boots, his leather waistcoat he sent for from America. I also can't give away his guitar. I will however leave instruction for this if I die before I can deal with this. I am too close to Steve to make this decision right now. It is hard enough just living in the home that Steve built without him being her with us to enjoy his home. Counsellor have a good way of working with clients to explore difficulties and often the problem just evaporates and doesn't come back. I hope that you go on to enjoy the environment you work in and that you will also be able to cope with seeing your boss's office and you won't have those painfull feelings. Give it time, and perhaps professional support and this will work itself out.

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