Bye mommy

My mom died 3 weeks ago today- she was 50. She hung herself in her garage. My dad found her after he came home from work( he's 51). I live 8 hours away from my dad, so after packing, and leaving i arrived the next morning. Dad was a mess.

My brother and i did everything we could to be strong for him. I tried not to let him see me cry- though he was sobbing quite a bit the first 2 days. I've never seen my dad so emotionally and physically weak. The day we saw my mom's body, he was physically leaning on me so that i had to help him walk- he couldn't walk on his own.

After quite a bit of digging- in paperwork, her computer, etc. we found out that she was clinically depressed, and had been sucicidal for at least 6 months (we found 'how to' websites in the search history of her computer dating back to April). She was also having an affair, that was at least 1 1/2 yrs old. Only my dad, aunt, and uncle knew how bad she was. They begged her to get help- meds, counseling, etc, but she refused.

My parents are HUGE in their community- at the viewing, at least 700 people showed up- most of whom I didn't know. None of the people there knew why she had killed herself- and there was no way any of the family was gonna tell them. But at least my family has closure.

I broke down during the funeral- that was the first time my dad saw me crying. It was the hardest thing for me to see the casket, and a picture of my mom's smiling face in a beautiful frame. I guess crying is a form of healing.

I also went to the gravesite by myself a few days after the funeral- kinda to say goodbye in private. I didn't realize how emotionally and physicially hard that would be for me. I knew it was something i had to to do, but i was crying so hard, i could hardly breathe or move. I'm glad i did it though- it kinda finalized everything for me.

Now me (27 yrs old) and my brother (25 yrs old) have to pick up the pieces of our lives, and help dad the best we can. My brother and i are married, so it helps that we have our spouses who can help us heal- but daddy doesn't have anyone- besides us now. I guess- as selfish as it is- i wish that instead of ruining everyone's life, she had gotten the help she needed. My daddy told us 'at least she isn't in pain anymore'- but she left a lot of other people in a lot of pain. I miss my mommy.

Comments for Bye mommy

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Jan 27, 2010
Mental Health ?
by: Anonymous

I have a brother who is considering suicide right now, NO ONE Wants to Help! So don't let your father be hard on himself.

We have had my brother in and out of the hospital for the last 2 months, they just released him yesterday, and told us not to bring him back, he is too violent for them.

I hope the whole place folds up; what do you mean too violent? When someone is supposed to be a professional, isn't this where you are suppose to take them?

Needless to say, he's back out, and crazier than ever, with very little help, why not just get it over with?

We as a family have dealt with him for over 33 years, and we are all getting older ourselves, and with no professionals who really care, what are the answers?

We want you to know that you are in our prayers, and please know that your mother has peace at last.


Sep 23, 2009
Suicide is tough!
by: Tanya

I will never say that I know what you're going through, everyone has to earn their right of passage when it comes to dealing with death. I myself am a survivor of suicide.

My mother died in 2005. She suffered a massive heart attack at 54. She was ripped away so quickly! My father took it very hard after being with her for 30 plus yrs. In 2008 my father shot himself.

He became a very depressed and hard to deal with man. He moved in with my sister and lived about 3 miles away from my husband and I. I called all the time and visited all the time. I couldn't even get thru my own grief of losing my mom.

One night my father was having a bad night and we ended up arguing. I told him it was time to live again and start a new life. That we loved him and were so worried about him. The next day my husband went to pick him up to get him out of the house and do GUY things. He found him in his room. I don't remember much after that. I had to get my husband, my children and my sister thru this.

I am now just coming to grips with the whole suicide thing. It's a demon of WHY and If I ONLY KNEW. Recovery from this has been hard. I just know even tho my dad killed himself, he was a depressed, lonely and heart broken man. I miss him very much and I am healing thru my own grief.

Suicide is a totally different death to deal with. Please make sure you remember the good with your mom and not the way she died! God bless!

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