Can anyone hear me

by Heidi
(United Kingdom)

This is my story, on Christmas Eve a few years ago, I was travelling on a train in the snow, when the train broke down. A very tall man opened a door for me - his name was Matthew. He was a Royal Marine Officer back from Afghanistan. From the moment I saw him, I knew he was the one - he was to be my husband. Together we helped the elderly off the train and on to a new one. At the time I was back from Africa - I was and am working in humanitarian aid and disaster management. From this point onwards Matthew and I were inseparable, he proposed and we married on the while sands of Africa. I later found out he was an Earl - but either way it would not have made any difference. He had the capacity to make me feel safe, loved - and made me wish to be better than I am. Often in the office people would joke - asking me what Matthew was doing for the day - and I would say testing missiles off the Welsh coast, whilst I was writing a paper for policy on humanitarian aid. It seemed I was trying to put the world back together, while Matthew was blowing it up! Of course in reality I saw us both on the same side. I gave up my career and moved to an island near France, where his family lived. I agreed to look after his parents as they grew old, and for us to have a baby. We did indeed have a beautiful daughter. However, our daughters birth was incredibly difficult. She came six week early, and I was sent to intensive care, whilst she was sent to the special care baby unit. After two weeks we were both fine. However, the experience, reminded my husband of traumas he had seen in Afghanistan - and he revisited post-traumatic stress. Gradually over time he pulled away from the baby and I. But as I was wrapped up breast-feeding and looking after our daughter - I failed to see his pain. We never had a disagreement ever. Then a few weeks ago - out of the blue - Matthew said that he no longer loved me. He asked me to go to UK and stay with my family for a few days. I took our baby and did so. When I arrived he sent me an email to say our marriage was over. I cam back to find our house had, had the locks changed and was left holding our ten month old baby with croup on the doorstep. Matthew also stopped our joint cards. He gave me an hour to pack mine and the baby's things. Standing over me, saying I have 45 minutes, 35 minutes etc. Looking back I barely remember the details - probably because it was so distressing. I was taken by him to a tiny bedsit in the middle of nowhere. This where I still am. He told me not to get a lawyer and stay there. Of course, I had to see a lawyer - I was frightened and alone. I had a ten month old daughter to protect and love - now on my own. I have been living in the bedsit for six weeks - however I have arranged a part-time teaching position in a good university in England. Thus, once we have reached a settlement I shall take our daughter and leave the island (as I cannot work here - it is too small for my chosen career). I tried to support my husband and go through marriage counselling - however he never intended for it to work - as I have now found out that Matthew has another lady in his life. Thus, here we are. I look at my daughter and feel such guilt. Guilt for not being able to keep our family together. Guilt for not realising Matthew was unhappy and keeping him close. I do not know anyone where I live. His parents have been horrible to me since he left - I do not know what he has said to them for them to be so horrible. I suspect they are worried about what it all means in terms of money. There is a lot of money - they literally have original monet's hanging on the wall. I am exhausted and tired. I miss my best friend and husband - Matthew. With warmest wishes, Heidi

Comments for Can anyone hear me

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May 27, 2012
he knew what he was doing
by: Anonymous


What had happened has been very traumatic for you that goes beyond belief ....he was calculating and systematic in all of this must get your lawyer to make sure you get all you're entitled too ...he is trying to intimidate you and protect finances etc that's obvious

You need the lawyer to act hard against him also for your rights and your daughter..he has no intention of doing anything else ..if you can't then make sure your lawyer hits hard and deep.

You deserve the best

Take care and your future will be good and don't worry about his family they all sound the same ....

May 17, 2012
The cruelty of it
by: Esther

Dear Heidi,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am afraid to say I resonate with your story, as my story of divorce is similar to yours. There are no words to describe the terror a soul can feel when seeing her beloved turn into a man that she can hardly recognise; the cruelty of it all, the shock, the trauma of it.

I am also left with a daughter to raise and a son. At the moment I live in a country where the depression has hit severely and I cannot find work. Life is challenging and the father of my children offers no financial support.

I try not to lose heart. Life will make a way. It has to. Others before us have walked down that path and I am certain that their wisdom will somehow guide us along the way.

Thank you for sharing your story. Esther.

Apr 23, 2012
by: Veronica

I truly am sorry for both you and your daughter and what I am about to say will seem harsh but I truly think that your "Earl" sounds like a very selfish individul. How can someone throw another human being to the curb like he did. And to walk away from his child. Sure he went thru some horrors in the war but it does not excuse his actions. I guess the only thing I would say is that you have your daughter and hopefully your family to assist you and that no doubt there is someone else out there that you were meant to be with and Matthew was just a spirit passing thru.

All the best to you and your daughter.


Apr 23, 2012
I feel you
by: rayolife

After 24 years of a tolerable marriage, my husband threatened to kill me because he overheard me talking on the phone with another man about buying a computer??!!!%^&*(
So I fled for my life. He had already been seeing other women. He chose to stay in the humble house, rent free for almost a year before it sold. He stalked me, harassed me on the phone, lied to me, canceled my medical and life insurance, and had me falsely arrested. You think you know people, but they can be real schisters and fool even the ones that live with them, and should know them the best. Do what is best for you and the baby, regardless of the money. You can make it alone!

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