Can hardly go on at times

I LOOKED AFER MY MUM FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS, THE LAST 5 BEING THE MOST FULL ON. MY MUM WAS A VERY PRIVATE, QUITE, SHY LADY THAT LIVED FOR NOTHING MORE THAN HER IMMEDIATE FAMILY AND A SMALL CIRLE OF FRIENDS. I WAS AWAY FOR 15 YEARS NURSING OVER SEAS THEN AS I GOT OLDER RELIZED MY MUM WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD AND LOVED ME MORE THAN EVEN SHE COULD TELL ME. Actions said more than words and Mum and i spend the last 10 years together most of the time and had contact daiky the last 4 or 5. I nursed her 24/7 for the 7 weeks following her stroke, thankgod the stroke didn't effect her mind so she knew us all. MY MUM DIED A PAINFREE, STRESSFREE DEATH ON THE 19TH SEPTEMBER 2012. SHE WAS IN MY ARMS WHEN SHE DIED AND I FELT A PART OF ME DIED THEN AS WELL. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW WHAT WE SHARED AND I WILL NEVER TELL ANY ONE. SHE LOVED US ALL EQUALLY BUT AS THE ONLY DAUGHTER WE TALKED ABOUT THINGS SHE NEVER DISCUSSD WITH ANY ONE ELSE. i am single and made my life available to take good care of her. she was never alone for 1 minute during her 7 weeks in hospital before she died. it is almost 6 months now and at times i wonder how i wil ever go on. i am 50 years old this year and feel my life is almost over. No one will ever know how much i loved my mum and what we shared. I HAVE NO ONE ELSE AND WONDER IF I WILL IN FACT PUSH ON. i Miss her and the dam hurt just won't go away. THE ONLY ADVICE I HAVE IS KEEP SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF AS I DIDN'T AND I LOVED MY mum to muchreally and now i pay the price. lIFE WILL NEVER EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. we shared everything and i miss her terribly. I never knew the sadness could be so painful, i feel like i am dieing inside of grief.

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Feb 23, 2013
When will this pain end
by: Anonymous

I am an only child 47 years old never married. My father died ten years ago of cancer and my mother almost two years. I truly understand this extreme pain emptiness loneliness....words can't describe my pain. My precious beautiful mother became a shut in after my fathers death only leaving our home to go to church and cemetery, she literally never visited extended family, entered a store.... She only lived for me after his death, out of kniw where she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and died 13 days after diagnosis. I literally never left her side for 13 days. The world is going on and I am so stuck. I go to work and act that I am fine, advice that people were giving me just made me angry.,, I keep getting tOld u need to go on your parents would not want to see u like this.... How woUld they like it if 2/3 s of there family was dead. It would hav been better if I had crappy parents I would not miss them so much . My mothers death was horrible so much pain and the death rattle for three days... Images I relive daily... I find it easier to tell people I am fine becuz they just don't understand and what they say even though out of love does not help me at all. I visit the cemetery twice each day. I had such a strong faith but I question that. Why me? Why them ? What did we ever do. We were just simple good people we never harmed anyone is this my punishment for something??? I am a good person now I just hav anger emptiness and pain

Feb 22, 2013
Already lost and heartbroken
by: Julianne

I feel I may die of the stress and anxiety of watching my mother wither away and just beome so vacant. I am lucky she is alive and surely am not taking it for granted anymore.I read these stories and cry all day.I kno my mom does not have long as she has been sick for 3 years. I took her to so many doctors and nothing really. She kept saying she is sick and no one does help her. Well she finally told me she had a vaginal growth and was embarrassed to tell me.Now its vulva cancer and has spread to lymph and everywhere.She is only 106 lbs from 160. I cry every night for 2 years,not knowing what was wrong.Now I know and beating myself up for not taking her to the GYN.I am single and have a 9 yr old to care for.I am 51 yrs old. She is 79. I think maybe a few months left if that,since I have been a child I have worried of this date. My mom is with me every day as I care for her,the 3 other siblings have moved away.I know I'm rambling.I know I should not be greiving prematurely.God Bless all of us,I worry,worry all the time,I'm so type A

Mar 09, 2012
You are not alone
by: Lost

I was an only child and am not married. I willingly devoted my whole life to my parents. When my father died nine years ago I realized not only how much my mother truly loved my father but how connected we were. She lived for me and I guess I lived for her. Now eleven months after her death the pain is also more than I can deal with. People just don't understand. When she was in the hospital dieing (died 13 days after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer) I refused to leave her side. I literally did not leave her room. She died holding my hand as she had done for most of the 13 days in the hospital. I would give the world to have her back. Life without her is not life it is just existing. People around me just seem to go on living and I just want to scream !!!!!

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