Cannot accept it

by Marisol
(New York, NY, US)

It hasn't even been a year yet since I lost my mom. I'm going through the usual: grief, depression, anger, detachment..most recently I can't seem to focus on anything's so hard to focus in class and takes so long to so homework.

But my issue is that I can't and don't want to accept that she's gone. I feel like I'm living in a reality where she's supposed to be alive..but she's not..everything feels pointless. Because I don't want to live in this reality without her. I see so little point to school, work, friendships,... everything.

How long until I will start accepting it? Do I have to willingly accept it or will it come with time?

Comments for Cannot accept it

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 15, 2013
Lost Mom
by: Anonymous

I am unable to bear this, just lost my mom 4 days ago. sudden heart attack took her away from us. I am 42 years old but feel like an orphan chide now. She was world to me. I am just lost just knowing i can not hear her voice makes me angry, I feel sad because she is not there when i need to tell her how was my went. when i be able to bear all this, I have been to tons in my life but this one is hardest to go through please tel me.......

Nov 29, 2012
Maybe time will help
by: Roops

Hi. I totally undertand how u feel. It's been a year and a half and I just can't believe it. N I don't want to accept that she's gone forever. I cunt have ever imagined a life without my mom n still can't. I know all that happened was real but I still tell myself that no she will come bak. Miss her every minute everyday. Don't love anyone as much as I love her. What I now do is that one I try n kp busy. For one yr after her I dint do any work , started drinking , n went thru hell in my other relationships. But that made it worse. Now I work, don't drink at all, and also I don't talk abt her much to others coz no one can understand how I feel. N my dad is already too heartbroken. This site helps a lot. my one advice is that don't force urself to do anything. Like don't force urself to stop crying or stop thinking abt her. love her n miss her as much as u yet i don't know as and when my pain will get better but I don't want to stop missing her. But at the same time, little by little , start taking control of ur life. Conventrate on ur school to begin with. And u can always cry ur heart out on this site. We are all in the same boat. But tk cr n kp on touch.

Nov 29, 2012
Cannot accept it
by: Doreen U.K.

Marisol most of us can testify to being in the same place as you. We start in shock and disbelief. Some of us get stuck in this place and can't move forward. Either grief counselling or a psychologist/counsellor can work very well with clients to hold their pain till they work at a deep level. This is painful to start with but worth the pain for how you will feel when you move into healing. You feel cleansed within and FREE.
I lost my husband 6 months ago to cancer and I am still in the first stage of crying and searching for him. Thinking he is coming home. Missing him to the degree I want him back. My Sorrow is so deep. UNBEARABLE. I can feel your pain through your story of loss. None of us can bear the pain of grief. We didn't bring this pain on ourselves, and we cannot stop it through Will Power. It comes of itself and it will go of itself in a process of Healing. Only TIME will bring HEALING.
We feel so lonely, and empty. I too feel anger, depression, sorrow. Since I have been on this grief site for over 5 months and responding to people I have had a sense of healing take place in me. It is still an uphill struggle. I have a FAITH and BELIEF in God so I know that this life doesn't end here. There is an afterlife that God is preparing for those who love Him. When we live a righteous life and accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour we are inviting Him into our lives. I have lived like this all my life and so I know I am just passing through this life and when death comes we are told To Sorrow. But not to Sorrow as those who have no HOPE. In death it is but a sleep till Jesus comes back to earth to claim his own. Let us all plan to be there.
It will take some time to accept your loss. If you feel you are having difficulty in your grief. Go and see a counsellor who will help you through this and the pain will ease up a bit. Healing is a slow process.

Nov 29, 2012
Remember the dream
by: Anonymous

Hello Marisol

You do not say how old your Mum was when she passed or how old you are, but, like most of us who have found this site, you are clearly in distress. I do not believe there is anyone who is really qualified to answer your questions but my own experience tells me that we cannot put a timeframe on acceptance. I do not believe that we can force ourselves, with any will in the world, to "willingly accept" the loss of our mothers, the cornerstone of our existence. I do believe, however, that acceptance will come naturally with time, particularly for someone who is young, as you appear to be.

I know that the fact that you are still young might make you feel as though you have been cheated and abandoned in some ways. I am in my fifties and my first reaction when my Mum passed two months ago, was a feeling of utter abandonment. Please do not get me wrong. My Mum was very ill and I am relieved that her suffering has ended. I am not saying that she abandoned me. I am only saying that she had gone away and I was left behind. I am saying that if she could have taken me with her, I would have dropped everything to be by her side.

What I would like to share with you is that I know that I will find my Mum again, when the time is right. Until then, I suppose the best we can do for our mothers is to honour their teachings and to try to live up to the expectations which they had for us. I am sure your Mum had plans for you. She would have wanted you to succeed at school, to attain the best education possible, so that you could graduate and become the beautiful and successful woman she dreamed you would be. Try to focus on those dreams - even if your Mum's dream for you was not the same dream you have for yourself, apply yourself in whatever you need to do to achieve success in life, and I promise that you will make your mother's dreams come true. I also promise that your Mum is near you and that her spirit is encouraging you. Try to be attentive and try to recognise her guidance. Acceptance will come naturally while you focus on turning your mother's dream of happiness and success for you into reality.

Nov 29, 2012
by: Wendy

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. Your post brought tears. I'm curious if you have a support network. You mentioned homework...what year of school are you currently in?

I can't say if you have to be willing to accept the loss of someone very important in your life. In my case, the approaching holidays bring a reaction of grief again. If this is your first holiday without your Mom I think you will find it extremely difficult to get through. What brings you comfort when you grieve or mourn? If you can verbalize one thing that helps your pain I would suggest that you be with that person or go to that place, whatever it is, so comfort is avaialble.

Nov 29, 2012
You will In time
by: Judith in California

Marisol, death of a loved one is a horrific ordeal. It takes us places we never thought of. In our first blush of grief we are just shocked and heartbroken. It is a journey of so many different feelings. I best describe it as an emotional rollercoaster ride. We go from one stage to another but not in order and ten we go back a few steps and begin again. We eventually know we can not have them back. Once we accpet that they are with GOd and at peace then we begin the acceptance process and then a little more down the road we come to peace. Mind you you will always miss your Mother.
I know she would not want you to loose all sight of your moving forward . She helped you get this far and she wants you to succeed in all you do. You owe it to her and yourself to get your education, have friendships that will sustain you in times like this and to do your best at work. You can also, when at peace with her passing, be an inspiration to others who have lost their Moms . Know she is with God and she is happy. Her spirit will always be with you.

If you can , please journal your thoughts and feelings daily for at least a year. It helps too.

Take care and rely on God to help you to accept and find peace..

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!