Cannot get over this loss

by Monica

My dad died 1 week ago and I just don't feel like it's real. In fact, the feeling is quite surreal. He used to call me all the time, sometimes every day and ask me tons of questions about how I'm doing, what's going on and just small talk. He had had lung cancer 6 years ago and what he actually died from was years of complications from the large amount of radiation. He was in and out of the hospital all the time but every time he came back strong.

He was a big, burly man, very strong and always had a huge presence. He couldn't die! He would always be around! He had so many plans, still so many dreams of what he would do with his life after retiring. He worked until only a few months ago. He and my mom went away for New Years this past year and he drove more than 100 miles from the airport to where they stayed, he was fine! He can't be gone!

I sit here writing this and think that any minute my phone will ring or he'll walk down the hallway and I'll hear his voice. It doesn't seem real. I think every night when I go to bed that I'll wake up and it will have been just a dream, that he'll call me and say, haha I fooled you! He was always a jokester.

In some ways, I want this feeling to go away and deal with the reality and in some ways, I don't. I want to keep thinking he didn't really die. How will I go on without him? What will life be like? He was always the life of the party, the center of attention. What will happen now?

He went into the hospital one day just for a check because he was having trouble breathing and the next day his lung collapsed and he was put on a ventilator. 3 weeks later, he died. I never got to have a last conversation, no last good bye. He wanted to talk to me and cried when I left the hospital room while he was still aware and on the ventilator. I keep having this feeling that he didn't want to die although everyone says it was his time and now he is happy. I can't shake this feeling that he wasn't ready to go, he didn't want to die.

My sisters and brother and I were all there that day. We held his hand and told him it was ok. Still, I don't feel that it was. I just don't know where to go from here.

Comments for Cannot get over this loss

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Nov 14, 2010
by: Lisa

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I myself lost my dad a week ago 11/9/10 he was killed in a strong flood current in the philippines. I don't understand how to cope. How did you?

May 15, 2010
Keep Reading
by: Anonymous

Keep Reading this site it has been most helpful to me. You are in the early stages of grief and that feeling of surreal numbness is actually the easiest yet strangest part. Everyone is different and has a unique way of dealing with such sorrow. For me a month after is when the true gut wrenching pain started.

I have lost a Father and Husband in the same year. Heading towards month 6 (6/6/10) I thankfully have more good days. But it's much like a roller coaster. Good and bad days. Having some pics reprinted for the kids photo album in Wal-mart, I sobbed as if it had just happened. Memories will attack you at inopportune times and its o.k. How you grieve is o.k. My best to you as you travel that road of grief. HH

May 15, 2010
Very Fresh
by: Down Under

Monica my condolences on the loss of your father. 1 week is so very fresh and you would definitely be in denial. I lost my father Aug 09 and have only just, in the past month, accepted the outcome and realised he is gone from this world and entered another.

It seems you had a close relationship with your dad, keep those fond memories alive in your heart and don't lose that connection. You will find his spirit again, it will just take time and some belief from you. You will get through the denial stage and then come into the grieving stage ..... How long that will last is unknown, everyone deals with loss in different ways. Piece of advice from me is do not hold in your grief as it will only eat away at you. Talk to family, friends, psychologists, doctors, strangers, anyone, just let it out.

If anyone asks "how long will you grieve for" tell them as long as you need to! Monica, visiting this site may also help you through it as you will see there are so many others out there going through this horrible path called "grief". Wish you all the best & warm condolences. xo

May 15, 2010
For Monica
by: Mari

I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. I know you are suffering at this time and it may seem that the grief will never go away. Your dad must have been a wonderful person indeed. This is the time to put your trust in God. You will need a time to grieve. There will be healing later.

Remember you are never alone. Your dad is safe in the arms of Jesus and you can rest assured that you will see him again.

There are a lot of wonderful people on this board who care and are ready to listen. You can just pour out your heart. It is what you need and will help in the healing process.

My husband passed away almost 6 months ago, on Nov 22 and I am doing better but miss him so much. I find it hard to believe I am a widow. I still feel married. I still feel the same intense love I always did for him. But in many ways I am coping much better. I am still in the healing process.

Just remember that we are here for you whenever you want to express your feelings. God bless you.

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