can't believe he's gone
My father has been gone 8 days now and I'm so sad. I can picture him in all the usual places and can't believe he's not there.
Although he was very old when he died, he had an excellent quality of life and was healthy and active (with help) almost to the end. Two months ago, he got a bad burn on his foot which got infected, was hospitalized to treat it with IV antibiotics, and then spent 2 weeks in a rehab hospital during which he got a UTI and started to decline. I brought him home and he died 2.5 weeks later. I keep blaming myself for letting him go to rehab. I could have brought him home early, but for convenience, ignorance, and the thought that he might actually benefit from a stay at the rehab hospital, made me lax in my judgment. In the past I would have moved mountains to come home to care for him. I don't know why I didn't this time and now I'm kicking myself.
Dad didn't have any illnesses. He was essentially healthy though he was having a hard time swallowing. Even his infections had cleared up and his foot was healing very quickly. I guess I'm wondering how/why the very old die. I've been told that our organs just wear out and that any stresses may overtax them and trigger the shutting down process. Even so, I wish I had him longer. I wish I could have taken him out to do all his usual fun things which he looks forward to every summer. He had the energy and desire to do some of them about a week before he passed. For this I'm grateful, but I'm still sad that he didn't get to do more. And I feel I could have done something to "save" him or at least given him more time to do what he loves to do.