can't believe he's gone

My father has been gone 8 days now and I'm so sad. I can picture him in all the usual places and can't believe he's not there.

Although he was very old when he died, he had an excellent quality of life and was healthy and active (with help) almost to the end. Two months ago, he got a bad burn on his foot which got infected, was hospitalized to treat it with IV antibiotics, and then spent 2 weeks in a rehab hospital during which he got a UTI and started to decline. I brought him home and he died 2.5 weeks later. I keep blaming myself for letting him go to rehab. I could have brought him home early, but for convenience, ignorance, and the thought that he might actually benefit from a stay at the rehab hospital, made me lax in my judgment. In the past I would have moved mountains to come home to care for him. I don't know why I didn't this time and now I'm kicking myself.

Dad didn't have any illnesses. He was essentially healthy though he was having a hard time swallowing. Even his infections had cleared up and his foot was healing very quickly. I guess I'm wondering how/why the very old die. I've been told that our organs just wear out and that any stresses may overtax them and trigger the shutting down process. Even so, I wish I had him longer. I wish I could have taken him out to do all his usual fun things which he looks forward to every summer. He had the energy and desire to do some of them about a week before he passed. For this I'm grateful, but I'm still sad that he didn't get to do more. And I feel I could have done something to "save" him or at least given him more time to do what he loves to do.

Comments for can't believe he's gone

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Jul 31, 2014
thank you Doreen
by: Anonymous

Dear Doreen,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I greatly appreciate your perspective on fate. Perhaps it was meant to be. And yes, we all have an expiration date. Thank you for encouraging me not to blame myself. I realize it's a form of bargaining and I'm doing less of it over time. But I am still shocked that he is gone. I am also sorry for your loss of your husband. It must have been so difficult to watch him suffer from cancer. My mother died of cancer 30 years ago. I no longer feel sad but instead am filled with memories, both good and bad. I am grateful to her for all that she did for us. I hope in time, we all come to a new place, one that still offers a good life, even without our loved ones. Thank you again for your comforting words.

Jul 31, 2014
thank you and so sorry for your tragic loss
by: Anonymous

Dear Christina,
I can't even imagine losing a child much less someone so young as yours. It must be terribly painful for you. I am very very sorry for your loss. I am also very grateful for your generosity in writing to me while facing such a huge loss yourself. How kind of you to help me out. I pray for you and offer my deepest condolences. I hope it is comforting to know that we are all grieving here on this blog site. Thank you again for your compassion and courage.

Jul 31, 2014
Feeling your pain
by: Doreen UK

Christina I am so sorry for your loss of your young son of 19yrs. to a sudden tragic death.
You will find it very difficult to function for the first few weeks to months. You may feel as if you have been hit by a truck and can't get up. This is what RAW GRIEF feels like.
I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago and I could not function in any way for 6 months. I then started nurturing myself back into life slowly ONE DAY AT A TIME. 2yrs. later I can still only take one day at a time. You will one day find the best way forward as you start to heal from you loss of your adult child. This is the very worst place for a mom to be. No one is prepared to lose their child/adult child. I worry about my adult children all the time. I couldn't cope if I lost any one of them. Losing my husband was the worst loss I have faced. But to lose any of my children would be worse. WE carry our children in our body for 9 months and rear them to adulthood to then lose them is so very CRUEL.
May God comfort you with His Love and Peace.

Jul 31, 2014
can't believe he's gone
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. You say he was OLD. This is a blessing. Having to make a decision to put him in Rehab would have been your choice that, that was the best place for him to be and getting the care he needed. You didn't do it to hurt him, but to make him better. Don't feel so guilty about this decision.
I sometimes feel that God prevents us from making a certain decision if it is going to override His Plans for our loved one's.
I prayed for healing for my husband with a severe cancer. But he died and I was angry with God, believing my husband would get his miracle and survive, because God is our Healer. Not everyone is healed. Old people die, because we are given a life span outlined by God. 3score and 10yrs. which is 70yrs. for the average life. Many die before they reach this age, as my husband did. If one lives beyond 70yrs. it is regarded more as a BLESSING. My father is 93yrs. of age and living in a care home. He needs special care. When he dies I will be more accepting of his death as He has lived beyond the years God blesses us with. But I will still feel sad and Miss him so much. It is normal to feel the way you do. We do want our loved one's to be in our lives as long as possible. FOREVER. Which is different for everyone. It will take a while for the REALITY to kick in and the healing process to start.

Jul 30, 2014
feeling your pain
by: Christina

I no the pain you are feeling today is exactly 2 weeks that I lost my oldest son at the age of 19 do to a 4 wheeler accident I can not seem to function I am so sorry you are going through this I just wanted to reach out to you and let you no you and ur family are in my prayers

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