Can't believe it happened

by Bill

The love of my life, a woman I have known as long as I have been alive (we were in the same church nursery as infants), my high school sweet-heart, dated through college, married for 23 years, two children 19 and 17, both girls, told me it was OVER last October 5th and moved out Jan 5th of this year, leaving the girls, the house, the pets, taking only a picture of her mom and dad and her clothes. On October 5th, at her beloved uncle's funeral, her 81 year old dad was berating her 80 year old mother for lingering too long with the widow. My wife turned to me and said "that's the way you treat me and I am not going to end up like my mother. I want a divorce". I was blown away. I knew she was not joking by the look in eyes and the tone of her voice. She had been seeing a counsler (agnostic) since May for depression...and had become more and more distant. I found out later her counsler has been telling her she is the victim of emotional abuse.... funny seems like it was always me working overtime to make things better, smooth things over. I confess that I had begun to take her for granted, and sometimes would raise my voice (a few times a year). She told me a good husband would never raise his voice at his wife, (even if she was yelling at me first). We tried couples counseling, but she never budged from "I want out". After 4 sessions the Christian MC told us not to come back. "Takes two to make it work". The girls are doing much better than I am. Its been 9 weeks now and I still miss her every second. She is living in an apartment, has an aggressive lawyer, and does not communciate.

Background: Her grandmother killed herself at 45 because 'the family did not need her anymore' and her father is strange. It all started to fall apart when she went back to work full-time to pay the girl's way through school. I'm a walking clique..loving wife goes back to work, leaves husband. No indication of a boyfriend (I got her a great job at my old office, I hired everyone over there, and I trusted friends male and female over there who would tell me). I think it would be easier if there was another man!

I don't know how I will ever recover. Goodbye my darling, I loved you, and will always love at my core for what we had, even though I will have to move on some day. Now I am focusing on keeping the oldest in college (hard! I lost her income and am going to get rocked in alimony) and being there for the youngest.

Comments for Can't believe it happened

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Mar 06, 2012
Believe it
by: Judith

Bill, you may not remember all the times you did make her feel less than because she bever pointed it out to you at the time. BUt once a pattern is made it's hard to say you only did it maybe twice or a few times. It was enough to make her leave. And it didn't "just start" when she went back to work.

My husband of 35 1/2 years took me for granted, never told me he loved me other than in a card. And the times he told me he loved me near the end doesn't make up for all the times he should have. HE could show me his anger a lot but never his love for a long time. I had to beg for ugs and kisses. I stayed with him even though he wasn't very loveable a lot and I watched as he died 18 months ago and am reliving all those times of verbal and emotional abuse over and over in my mind. I find myself grieving for what we could have had had he only allowed himself to truly love me as I loved him. Now I'll never hear I love you from anyone.

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