Can't Believe She Is Gone Forever!
I lost my mom March of 2012. She passed away unexpectedly from a misdiagnosed heart attack back home. Last time I saw her was in January 2009. I was working on sponsoring her and my dad. Mentally I was getting ready to have my mom in my basement, and was picturing her taking care of the flowers in the back yard, playing with my boys, the younger one she never had the chance to meet. I dream about her very often, either crying in the dreams, or being terminally sick. I wake up shaken from these dream, tears on my pillow, and force myself to leave my bed and go to work in the morning.
She was only 66, and was full of energy, hope. She was very excited for her upcoming reunion with me and my little family. When I went back for her funeral, my heart broke harder when I saw all the new clothes, suitcase and other things she did getting ready for a new life!
I feel sad, guilty, empty, and more than anything, I feel different. I feel like I aged centuries in the last year. I feel like I will never be same again, never laugh hard from heart like before. Will it ever get better?