Can't Breathe

by Nikki

I was with this guy for 7yrs, he was my best friend so I thought. Three weeks ago I found out he was cheating on me with a girl he met in January not only did I find out he was cheating he married her and she's pregnant, and I found out from a friend who found a wedding picture on FB, then once I confronted him he continued to lie then finally admitted what he did, and kept trying to apologize and kept coming to my house trying to talk to me and I have nothing to say.I'm beyond hurt and I feel like me soul was ripped out... How do I move on ?

Comments for Can't Breathe

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Oct 30, 2014
can't Breathe
by: Anonymous

Thanks so much for that last post, it's so true we all experience some sort of hurt throughout our lives but until we're in that persons shoes we will never come close to understanding what that person is going through...

Oct 29, 2014
I've been there
by: Anonymous

Dear Nikki,
I've been where you are. We got together when I was 19 and broke up at 27 and he was engaged within a few weeks. Even though we were still in contact for a few months I heard it through the grapevine. I'll always remember that moment. You described it exactly, like your soul was ripped out. I was in anguish. Every time someone said his name it was a physical searing pain. Forget heartbreak, mine was macerated. Something I found was that other people really didn't have any concept of what I was going through. Most of my friends had pretty straight-forward love-lives and didn't come close to realising what had happened to me. Of course they thought it was terrible but I think I was meant to be better a few weeks later like a teenage break-up. I've noticed since then with other big break-ups that friends expect people to pull themselves together pretty quickly. Unless they've had their world torn apart people don 't understand. I went through a pretty bad and self-destructive time. I'm still not sure people connect the two together. But it gets better, it really does. To begin with I was just grasping at any little thing but in time they started adding up and gradually it got easier. I exercised a lot in the beginning. I couldn't eat so I lost loads of weight and looked amazing. Music helped. I watched countless movies. I spent time with my friends though at this stage they were all coupling off and getting married. All the years we were together they were single and going out so the timing was a bit hard. I spent a lot of time outdoors. Set goals. I did exams, changed country, changed jobs. That hugely boosted my self-esteem and revitalised my social life. There were still times when I'd cry into my pillow because it felt like every time I tried to stand up I fell back down again. He started calling me a couple of years later saying he missed me. He'd made his choice though. I've been married a few years now to someone many times the man he'll ever be. But it comes to the surface now and then. Sometimes anger, sometimes pain, sometimes deep sadness and sometimes forgiveness and understanding. He was my life for a long time. I read somewhere that there is no closure, you just have to start a new chapter and move on with the book. That's how it's been for me. Take comfort in your child and look at the good things in life. You sound like you're really together.I didn't know about it at the time but I think practicing mindfulness would probably really have helped me. Focus on positives, do all the things you enjoy and you'll come out the other side in time. Best of luck to you on your journey. And a big hug!

Oct 22, 2014
A New Day
by: Anonymous


Oct 22, 2014
A New Day
by: Doreen UK

Nikki applaud yourself for being a successful businesswoman and for your positive attitude in moving forward. Of course you have had the worst shock ever.
His actions display his lack of Integrity towards you. CHEATING on you the way he did was not only CRUEL, but a brutal way to behave towards you as his best friend and in relationship with him for those 7yrs. and in friendship as you say 10years.
All I can say is that you will hurt for some time, but as you focus not only on what he did but the deceitful way he did it, you will be able to recover more easily.
He did continue to lie to you, when you confronted him about this other girl and what you discovered via someone viewing this on FB. This is his responsibility to bear.
You come accross as an intelligent articulate woman who was let down badly by someone you knew for a long time (10yrs.) You did nothing wrong. Any one of us can be taken in by a friend who we thought we knew. No reason to be suspicious. This is a wake up call. Just be on guard and protect yourself and your businesses/assets. so that no one can come around and cause you more harm. Here in the U.K. we are having to be vigilant all the time against such crimes covered on T.V. We are living in fearful times. I wish you every success in life and recovery.

Oct 22, 2014
Can't breathe
by: Jim

I totally understand where you are coming from.
Just last week I found out my wife of 21 years has been cheating on me. We had some problems in the past but I thought all marriages do and was trying to work them out. Obviously, I was the only one working on this. I asked her in the past what I could do to make her happy and got no response. I am a very catholic person who believes in vows and I don't understand how she could sit next to me in church and look up to God knowing what she was doing. I am at a very low point right now due to the lies and deceit as I can't understand how you could do that to someone you love. I know I couldn't.

Oct 21, 2014
by: Anonymous

Thanks so much for your comments, to Judith I understand what you're saying , but when I made the statement how do I move on , it was in a sense how do I wrap my mind around what has happened, is the real. Now I'm not sitting here crying with my head hanging though I am fairly young I'm 29, I thought I had things together I have two successful businesses that I'm proud of a beautiful son and a lot of things to be happy and grateful for, so I have to much going for myself to lose myself. But this person was in my life for 10yrs who was my friend before anything else so naturally it's going to hurt and me coming onto this site it my therapy sooooo PLEASE don't beat up on me to bad..... And to Doreen, I can honestly say I had no warning signs this guy never got off of schedule with me I saw him near everyday and I literally talked to him everyday, the sad part is I talked to this sick person on his wedding day , and they didn't have a honeymoon so I saw him the day after the wedding

Oct 21, 2014
Can't Breathe
by: Doreen UK

Nikki this is the most CRUEL thing to do to you especially being together for 7 years and still in relationship. Didn't you notice any warning signals? e.g. distance, dividing time between relationships with you and his new wife? Usually there are behavioral changes in a relationship.
He LIED, CHEATED, was DISLOYAL, and BETRAYED you. What does he expect? For you to sit down and talk to him. ABOUT WHAT? The damage is done. There is nothing he could say to you that would make any difference. HE WILL GET WHAT HE DESERVES IN TIME!!! Count on that.
You will be grief stricken for some time, as ANGER bites. Get good support from either a counselor, family, or friends. To enable you to move forward from such a difficult betrayal.
If you can't breathe you could be suffering panic attacks. Counseling will help you to sort out the breathing problems. This man is not worth losing sleep over, never mind suffering physically. Emotional Pain is something you can't avoid. Turn things around and FOCUS not on what you have lost, but what you have GAINED. Don't waste any more time on this LOSER. He was BRUTAL, and HURT YOU in the worst way possible. In time you will move forward and become stronger, and more focused on what you WILL and WON'T accept in any new relationship. Counselling will help you to heal and see any warning signs about attracting a man, so you won't have your heart broken.

Oct 20, 2014
Breathe and get over the Jerk
by: Judith in California

Nikki, are you kidding me?!! If you give him one more minute of your time then you're contributing to the disaster. HE is married now and you need to respect that. Even if he doesn't by coming back around.
You sound very young and if you read your letter back to yourself and still have to ask how do you move on then there is no hope for you. Gain some self respect and leave him alone. He's shown you his true character. And if he had married you he'd do the same thing to you.

Gain some high standards and keep them by respecting yourself and not letting any man disrespect you.

I'm sure there are some guys out there who have character and know how to respect women. Please pick one of those or are you one of those girls who must have the bad boy who does what bad boys do?

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