Can't get over my dads death

by Juan

My name is Juan. When I was 15 my dad passed away. He had told me he was sick but I believed my dad to be invincible. I loved my dad not only as my father but as my best friend. I was the youngest in my family. My mom used to physically abuse me and my sister Adrienne during and after their divorce. My dad was the only one to pay attention to and support me. We were extremely close. I did everything with my dad. Again,he was my best friend. In 2002 he started getting sick. He had congestive heart failure and his kidneys began to fail. I was at his bedside everyday. I would do anything for him, that is how much I admired him. He was my hero. One day we got into a really bad fight about a girl I was dating. I screamed and told him to go to hell. Went for a walk for a couple of hours to cool down. When I returned home, I fell asleep hearing my dad snoring I assumed he was ok. When I awoke I didn't hear him snoring....I went into his bedroom and found my dad ad passed in his sleep. I tried reviving him and it didn't work. My last words to my hero were go to hell. I'll never forgive myself for it and I miss him so much. This was 9 years ago and it hurts the same as if it were 9 minutes ago. I can't get over my fathers death. How much longer can this last?

Comments for Can't get over my dads death

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Jul 04, 2012
To Juan
by: Dux

Hey Juan.

I don't know how long ago you posted this thread but I do think that every bit of advice can help one way or another.

Ironically to this site, I lost my Mon at 16 - and she was the only family member I could really tell my issues to. For two years I suffered with depression and never went out at the end of my schooling and even just over 4 years I am still struggling with it. It's also why I decided to google something that lead me to this site at 4 in the morning because I can't sleep.

What I want to say though, is don't let that last moment be the pinnacle of what your relationship with your Dad came to. I'm sure your Dad, although maybe angry with you, would have understood that you would be upset at what he had to say if it was something as close to you as a girl you are dating. Wherever he may be, he would've understood that you didn't truly mean what you said, and it was just apart of that conversation. I'm sure he went through that same situation with either his father, best friend or someone else and knows exactly what happens in those situations. People turn hostile when someone challenge something they like, so you tend to say some heated words that you may not otherwise mean. In the end I believe he would have known that, and that both of you needed to calm down and take in what each of you had said. It is just bad luck (and I am sorry for your loss) that he wasn't able to finish that conversation with you. If he was alive today, I doubt very much that he would have taken those words to heart, and would have rather talked to you about it than leave your relationship ending in a bitter debate about who you were dating.

Your wern't cold, malice or selfish. It was a conversation that every kid goes through with their parents one way or another - but apparently your conversation was not able to conclude. If your father is in a better place, regardless, he would have understood that when you calmed down and came back to the hospital, you wouldn't heave meant the things you said to him.

At the end of it, just be grateful that you had someone that was willing to speak his ideas openly, even if you didn't like them, or to hear you out when you needed to be heard not only as your best friend, but as your Dad.

Jul 03, 2012
Can't get over my dads death
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for the loss of your beloved father. I am sorry for the loss of relationship you had with him. We all live with regrets. Your regret being the last words you said to your dad. One of the most difficult things to do is to FORGIVE ourselves for the things we wished we had never said. My son neglected his Dad and when he died 7 weeks ago he walked out on us all and left home. We had an arguement and I am now in the same place. Angry with myself for confronting him over issues that we had to grieve and let go. I carried my husband's anger and didn't know. It was like a volcano erupting. I had no control over this. I felt better but my son got the eruption. I regret this. But it happened and I cannot do anything about it. Except to send him an email from his father and me which said "WE FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERYTHING" It is not easy to let go of our pain because it hurt someone else and so we have to do what God did for us. He cast our sins into the depth of the sea to remember them no more. and then he put up a sign that said. "NO FISHING" don't go back and pick up what you have cast into the sea. Do it for real if it helps. Write out how you feel. Say on that bit of paper. SORRY DAD I hurt you and didn't mean to. If I could take it back I would. I can't carry this guilt around forever Dad. I know that you would forgive me. Because You were my Dad and you loved me and I loved You. Goodbye Dad. I LOVE YOU. And throw that bit of paper in the sea. and remember it no more.
Go on with your life and be the best person you can be and make your father as proud of you as he was proud of you in life. All the Best.

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