Can't get over my first love
I am young, 22 years old. I met my husband when I was 18 and I fell crazy in love with him. We married a year later. We have now been married three years, have a beautiful son, and are 15 weeks pregnant with our second. Our marriage has been wonderful and I truly love my husband with all my heart. But I can't seem to stop grieving my first love. I go through the stages of grief over and over again. Most of the time I am in denial. I deny that I still have feelings for him. Unfortunately we live in a small town and we share many of the same friends and acquaintances. Most of the time I can live blissfully in my denial and enjoy my life, but then I see him briefly, at the store or passing him in the street. We lock eyes but never speak and my whole world will con crashing down again.
We met when I was sixteen and he was fifteen, we were so young and passionate about each other. We swore we were the love of each others lives and that we would be together forever, but my parents had very different ideas. My home life wasn't that great and they were so hell bent on breaking us up and I wasn't strong enough to go against them. My life at home was tough enough without having to endure the threats and screaming. So we broke up. I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me. I knew that god wanted me to be obedient so I was. I don't understand how after all this time u can feel so much grief and heart ache over losing him. After all I did the right thing. Why sm I being punished? I have tried SO HARD to get over him. For six years I have done everything to make these feelings go away. Even though I'm in love with my husband and a mother I can't stop these feelings of regret and wishing I could go back and change everything. I can't help but feel like we were soul mates and meant to be together. I want nothing more than to feel nothing for him. I just want complete closure and happiness in the life god has given me and the life I have chosen. My husband deserves better :(