Cant Let Go

by Z.A.R.

So I'm dealing with pain I've never had to deal with before. Edmund was not my spouse,and I wasnt sure if he was my true love,the one I'd eventually get married to,but we were getting there. Then they took him. I'm not sure who they is, but I want him back. I have been suicidal, I have blocked it out, I have tried everything. I can not can not let go. Just cant. Its been a year and 9 months and I have been stuck in this dark place for long. I can not deal with the constant reminders you know? Funny enough the night he died, I loved him more than I ever had. We had just sorted out a problem and I was sure I loved him more than ever. And he died 6 hours later. And his friend lived. His friend who was driving lived. I have never felt so cheated before. Its not fair. It is so so not fair.

Comments for Cant Let Go

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Jun 03, 2012
You loved him, that's all that matters
by: Laura

Dear Z.A.R.

I was reading your passage and felt like I wanted to tell you that you are much stronger than you realize. We all are. Somehow, we will all survive our losses. I think that you somehow feel a large sense of loss because you never got to experience marriage, and a life with him that was "official". None of that matters. There are many of us that were married and still wondered at times if we loved that person that we were with. I am coming to realize that questioning different parts of your relationship, rather it be a marriage or otherwise, is normal. There were many moments when I actually told my husband, "if you were my boyfriend, I would break up with you right now". I don't know how your guy died or what the circumstances were, but it sounds as if it was somehow someone elses fault. This leaves a person with a gaping wound and so many feelings of unrest that it wreaks havoc on our lives. I don't know how to resolve these situations except to not quit on ourselves. Many days and moments, I wish I could be NOWHERE. Just exist quietly and not feel for a moment. I feel this a lot because no matter how hard I search and try, I cannot get to a place that feels peaceful. A place where I can feel some type of relief from this unrest. May God bless you and be with you during this time.

May 28, 2012
I am sorry for your loss
by: Susan

Whether you were married or not does not matter. I too lost someone about a year and half ago and it is still dark for me. We were together for 45 years and I miss him so so much. I understand your pain. It is the worst thing I have ever been thru. Try joining a support group. I think it helps to talk about it. I found a church who is sending someone to my home once a week. She will be coming again this Friday. I am looking forward to her visit. I will keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

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