Cant seem to move on

by Desiree
(Dayton, Oh.)

My boyfriend of 8 years left me for another woman. The woman is a known bar fly and has been with alot of men in our town. He left me to watch his 3 children while he did this. We shared everything up until that point. I have not only lost him but the children also. We worked together for everything we had. My name was not on any of the properties that he has now given her control over. The children are not allowed to speak to me and I am truly devastated by it all. I have lost my job, my mother has been diagnosed with cancer and going through chemo. His family is not happy about any of it. This woman has talked badly about me and doesnt even know me. She is mean to him, hitting on him and has already cheated on him herself. I miss him and the children so much. I just need to know how I am supposed to get over this.

Comments for Cant seem to move on

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Jul 29, 2013
Do it NOW
by: Judith in California

Desiree, if you read your letter to yourself then you would come up with the answer. What would you tell someone who had written your letter? Hopefully You would tell them it matters not the type of person he left you for but that he left you. You would tell them it matters not how she treats him. That's his problem not yours.
What truly matters is YOU because he doesn't give a damn about you. He has proven this by his actions and you Desiree should respect yourself and work on you getting better from his abuse both emotionally and verbally. I'll even be willing to bet that he has hit you too. SO dear Desiree it's time you put this in proper perspective and think only of yourself and healing from this and move forward and NEVER let another man treat you so disrespectfully.
The children will go up and they will want to see their Mother.
Do yourself a favor and consult with a lawyer and find out what you can legally do. Consultations normally don't cost you. If you lived with him for years then you may be entitled to something under the common law rule.

Please learn to respect yourself and stop wanting a man back that treated you the way he did. Find out why you would want a man back like that. Stop playing the victim.

Jul 29, 2013
I understand
by: Jill

Dear friend, My mum lost everything when I was a child due to gambling that was not her fault.

Please seek a good lawyer to get access to your children and do not give up on the properties. There are often legal loopholes that good advocates understand for parents.

When we lost the family home it affected everything. But I knew my mum loved me and was the best.

Children are not brainwashed - THEY KNOW YOU LOVE THEM - NOW TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH AND FIGHT FOR THEM.

THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE TO HELP YOU LOOK FOR THEM. YOU HAVE RIGHTS.

Please post again to let me know how you are. Jill

Jul 29, 2013
Can't seem to move on
by: Doreen U.K.

Desiree I am sorry for your loss of relationship. WE are living in an ever changing world where you can take nothing for granted. You could have wasted more years of your life giving everything to this man and his children who you love and then lose it all later on. You must learn from this experience and be wiser in the future. If you are in a serious relationship where you are giving up so much of yourself to a man and his children you need to make sure you are secure otherwise you can be taken for a fool. You must be feeling like you have been used and now left to get on with it.
Firstly don't worry about what this other woman is doing to your partner. If he can't see this then let him one day wake up and see what is happening. don't let yourself be abused like this. If your partner comes back to you think twice. This could happen again. Don't let yourself be used. Maintain some dignity and make plans to exit this relationship. You cannot force yourself on a man who has done this to you. It could happen again.
Try and build up your self esteem by going to a counsellor and making sure you move forward from this man.
You could meet another man who will love you for yourself and who you are, and not what you do for him. You need to be respected in a relationship or it won't work. Try and find out why you are not being respected? Often when one does so much for another they can feel bored and not see this support for what it is. You have done nothing wrong but given too much of yourself. I am having to learn this also. Many of us if we are honest have had to learn the same lessons. Set boundaries for yourself and maintain what you want out of a relationship and make sure your needs are met mutually. In any other relationship set up a contract of relationship from the beginning about what you expect out of a relationship, and what you will and won't tolerate. Hold your head up high and walk away from this man. One day he will regret it. But don't go backwards. Go forward. I wish you all the best. Your broken heart will mend.

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