CAPT.DR.MANU 26

by SWARAJ YADAV
(REWARI,HARYANA, INDIA)

MANU AS A INDIAN ARMY DOCTOR

MANU AS A INDIAN ARMY DOCTOR

It was tragic end of my son’s life. His death is still an unsolved mystery for me. Though it was ruled as suicide by the police of Goa. Mystery in the sense, because I did not find any reason of committing suicide by my son till today. Though I am trying every hook and corner to convince me, but I failed.

I got the message from his commanding officer on 08.08.2008 at 12 noon at my home. I was so surprised and shocked because Manu was calling me regularly on phone and was in contact except on 7th Aug. I had also visited him in June 2008. He was perfectly fit and fine healthy and happy. We had visited with him almost all North GOA and he had promised to show us south Goa in our coming trip. Also he was planning to come on leave for a week in coming Sept. to assist his brother-in-law for an operation case at Delhi.

So the first thought was of any foul play raised in our mind. Because when he came to see off us at the airport, during his driving to airport, he had discussed a matter of 90 lakhs grant and putting sign as a member of any purchasing committee. But the inquiry committee of the army had ruled out this. Also they completed the inquiry without taking my full statement.

The police also even did not take the first evident statement on 08.08.08. The statements were taken of all concerns only after we demanded the copies of statements through RTI ACT to file the case. The police did not even take any fingerprints or any required steps for investigation of the case to satisfy us.

When we arrived there on 9th Aug, my son's room was opened for us by the police. It was amazing; we were almost 9 members in my son’s room and searching, touching everything of my son's, even his mobile and laptop. The police were only silent observers at that time. I think it was great negligence of duty for the evidence at the site. We made every effort to register the case for murder, but the police did not register the case yet. We both are in govt. service and quite far from The Goa. So we had failed and it is bitter shame for us. We couldn’t do any thing for our son.

The police and army both were of the opinion of committing suicide by him. Then losing my heart, I had started the search of causes of suicide on the WEBSITES. I found one statement that, "untreated depression is the major cause of suicide” Then I started to search about the causes of depression. I found nothing that would get him depressed.

But his friends told me about his changed attitude, which they were observing for some time. Though I had never noticed it because he was talking with us quite normally and discussing every matter with interest. But I worked on it and found some facts relating to Manu, which could make him depressed; as when he was in NATHULA in oct., 2007, he had some problem with his C.O. for checking and granting fake medical certificates of two jawans according to C.O. (Which he had regretted). He was very much disturbed and broken at that time, because his C.O threatened him to spoil his A C R, and that would badly affect his entire career.

At that time he told me that he was badly depressed. But later, the matter was finished in his favor and he was transferred to MH PANJI. It was his choice station. Again he told me sometime in May 2008 that he was depressed. I asked him why? He answered, I don’t know. I had advised him to do yoga, exercise, pray to lord Shiva and concentrate on his studies.

I found there was not any serious thing with him, it was only a burden of exams as usual. But I asked my daughter about it; whether Manu talked to her like this? She said, NO, hence she advised me to make a trip to him and observe it. I agreed and thus I made my trip to him in June.

As I had written before he was happy and normal. I did not talk to him about it but observed minutely. There was not any sign of depression; maybe I was wrong at that time, because for me depression was just a modern term for the young people, who use this word off and on.

Once in late July he called me and said he felt fear. I was surprised and asked why? He told me, nothing Aise hi kaha hai. Then I advised him to close his doors while sleeping. Because during my visit I had found that he used to sleep with his doors open, even net doors also. While I had asked him he answered me nothing to worry, yahan koi chori nahin hoti. So I was convinced with his answer, and did not take it seriously. Perhaps it was my blunder, my mistake.

On 21st July 2008 he made a promise to his papa on his birthday to get clear his PG ENTRANCE EXAM. And told me he had closed his ORKUT site. I thought now he had become serious about his studies. Then He told me on 27th July he is going to PUNE on T.D. for a week. He went there on 28th or 29th July and came back on 3rd or 4th Aug. From there he was in contact with us regularly; after coming back he told me every detail of his journey.

He called me on 4th and 5th also. On 6th I called him at night. He was on his night duty and studying at that time. I found nothing to think him depressed. His C.O. and his seniors and all are also writing in their statements that there was no sign of depression, he was behaving normally and doing his duty sincerely. Except his friends, who were talking about his changed behavior?

Question is this, if, he was depressed, why could nobody could recognize it? I failed because I was contacting him only on phone; couldn’t see him and talk to him directly, face to face. But his C.O. and all his Doctors and officers who were in his direct contact and talking with him also failed to notice him as depressed. If he was not depressed then why had he committed suicide? Nobody tried to find out the reason. Were there another problems from his seniors or office as he had faced before? That’s why he was afraid and avoiding to make trouble for us again?

After getting back his mobile and laptop from the custody of police sometime in March 2009, I again started to search them to get some clues. There was a text on the mobile in which he had written the word fear and did not want to live with it. Again I had started to recollect the words which MANU had said before. I found him depressed, because according to the website, fear is the major stage of depression.

Now I started to believe his friend’s views that his behavior was changed, he was talking less, and avoiding to meet anyone. But it is surprising that he was talking with us very nicely and taking interest in every matter, even he had a talk to his sister on that fatal night (7th Aug) for 10 minutes and made the future plan of his leave, and wanted to talk with his nephew.

He was sharing his all problems with us; then why did he not share this problem? Had he any pressure on him? That’s why he was giving me only signals and not talking in details? Which I could not understand till today. If his depression was in a major stage, then how had he attended his T.D. at Pune and completed it nicely?

He had put some blank massages on the net on 2nd Aug., as his friend told me now. But at that time he was in touch with us, and I did not find any sign of depression in his talking.

Which type of mother I am? Maybe I could not guess, as I had no idea about the depression at that time. But my son was a doctor himself, and all his friends, seniors, papa, sister and brother-in-law except me, are doctors, ALL HAD FAILED TO JUDGE HIM!

Here at MH PANJIM all were talking, seeing him directly at his working place and even eating and sitting in OFFICERS MESS at night on that day. Could they not judge him as depressed? Which type of doctors are they? I am sure they had the knowledge, but are hiding it for some reasons. Again I had some doubts. That why his C.O. is giving his statement so confidently that he was not depressed, but committed suicide. Then who forced him to do so? Why was he was afraid? Again 90 LAKH and sign matter is creating suspense in my mind. Inquiry committee and their workings are also suspicious. The attitude of Police who take this case is also not satisfactory.

If all are right and did their job sincerely, God knows all. Then I am an unfortunate mother who couldn’t recognize him as depressed. And accept the truth that my son is no more now. He was my brave child, who called his death himself and accepts it bravely and willingly. But I can not forgive myself for it.

I WEPT BECAUSE GOD WAS UNFAIR, AND BECAUSE THIS WAS THE WAY GOD REPAID THOSE WHO BELIEVED IN HIM VERY MUCH.


Comments for CAPT.DR.MANU 26

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Dec 09, 2014
Thankyou
by: Anonymous

Thank you Jyoti,
Sometimes when I think my son's friends and knowns I always feel proud of my son.i know a good person always sees good as you. Thank you again

Nov 17, 2013
Proud
by: Jyoti Garg

I have never seen him , nor i know any thing about him. It was my fortune that while searching for some old students who performed excellent in during their school time. And then my teacher told there was a boy named Capt. dr. Manu Yadav. he was a brilliant student. And when he was giving me the details of manu bhaiya, i didnt know how tragic his death was. After doing through this book Capt. Dr. manu 26, person like manu bhaiya needs a justification of his death. even the word PROUD .. wont be able to justify what he did for our country, and i m proud of him. modern public school is proud to have student like him. We all are proud of him.

Dec 12, 2011
MY DEAR MATA JI
by: Gautam Dhula

PLZ ROIYE MAT
YE SAB GOD KA KHEL HE.
Maine aapke video dekhe he you tube pe
JAB BHI ME DEKHTA HU ME RO PADATA HU.
Mere Pas koi words nahi he bayaa karne ke liye.
DUNIYA KA SABSE BADA DUKH HAI YE.
SHAYAD MERA CHALTA TO MERI UMAR USKO LAG JAYE.
AAP KE DUKH KO ME SAMAJ SAKTA HU. Ji
GOD BLESS HIS SOUL
.-GAUTAM DHULA
JUNAGADH SHAPUR
GUJARAT
MO. 9638588717
and 8460208121
home no 02872257799

.YOU LOOK LIKE MY MOM YOU CAN CALL ME.
I feel satisfied

Sep 12, 2010
I know you are sad
by: Anonymous


I know you are sad that I had to leave
And you don?t understand why I couldn?t breathe
And I know it doesn?t help you that I am no longer in pain
But I promise I hear you every time you call my name

I try and touch you and comfort you when you cry
And I know you don?t understand why I had to die
Sometimes I hold you as you fall asleep
The tears sometimes don?t stop as you continue to weep

I try and let you know I am there
I see you hugging my last belongings
And I caress your face
But sometimes it doesn?t help as you stare at the corner
That used to be my space

I see you hold my clothes searching for that my smell
I just wish I could stop you from believing that you are in hell
Precious Mommy I know you miss me more every day
And I know you struggle as look for answers, something to say

I can feel how much you miss me every minute of the day
But even though I tried I just was not meant to stay
Please don?t think I ever held you to blame
It was just my time, I had to go
They called my name

I know you wish to hold me just one more time
Just remember,
As much as I was yours, you were also mine
My heart knows how much you loved me
Even though you had to let me go

And even after death I promise you I know
Sometimes while you are sleeping I curl up next to you
And I sing our song just like you used to do
I curl my fingers around yours just like I always did
And I place butterfly kisses upon each eye lid

Please don?t ever believe that I didn?t know how much you loved me
Because I felt it every time I breathed
This world was just too cruel for me to stay too long
And I know you are angry and it feels so wrong

But now instead of you watching over me
I watch over you every single day
And I will always be your strength in every way
And even though, it was time for me to depart
I did not die
Because I live in your heart.

May 29, 2010
I UNDERSTAND
by: GAETANA

Hi, I understand what you are going through because my son died of suicide at age 26.
He was very intelligent, always focused, smart, got his mechanical engineering deGree and was working as a junior mechanical engineering at the time of his death. He worked till the very last day.

He even did a 3 hour exam on ethics to get his "P" in front of his "ENG" for professional and he had passed. He did the written exam on Dec 12, 2009 and he took his own life on Jan. 11, 2010.
How could we think he was depressed, nobody saw it, not his colleagues, not his brother, not his boss.

I do like you, try to find any clues as to why he would want to do this, and cannot find any.
He had everything: a good education, a good paying job, a nice car, friends, money, still lived at home, so no bills, no student loans to re-pay back because we had paid for his university, just don't know...

Just to let you know that you are not alone,
from a mother to another mother ... sending you hugs and lot's of encouragement to take one day at a time.

May 05, 2010
For Dear Manu
by: Anonymous

Dear Aunti Ji,


You may not known to me, I am Narender Singh son of Sh. TejRam Rawat (Krishna Nagar Rewari)

My heart broke into pieces when I learned of the sudden, unexpected death of your son, and I cannot imagine the depth of your sorrow. I tried to study on net or wherever I could figure out the causes because Manu was not made of what it is reflected by the end, he was brave and situation handler I saw him while playing or living with us.

I wish I had words to comfort and sustain you in your grief, but I know there are none that will take away any pain you are feeling now. My heart aches for you, and my arms long to embrace you. Even my knees know your grief, as I have been on them in prayer for you.

Although words seem futile now in the midst of your sorrow, they are all I have to give you. Please accept these written words as warm hugs.


Narender Singh
narender.rawat@yahoo.co.in

Feb 23, 2010
Remembering Manu
by: Vishu

Aunty, you wouldn't recognize me.. but I was one of his good friends in MPS and we had our gang - Manu, Manish, Deepak, Anoop & me. We always use to hangout together in school and I & Manu use to play cricket in the evenings.

When I heard about it, the news struck me with an "awe", with my jaw almost fell on the ground. And aunty, don't blame yourself based on our nation's blockheaded police's claims. He could have never done this. NEVER!

It is a great loss and do let me know if I could be of any help.

Contact me on - vishu.trehan@gmail.com

May God give rest his soul in peace.





Jan 29, 2010
TO SWARAJ YADAV/CAPT DR MANU
by: Anonymous

TO SWARAJ YADAV

I EXTEND MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ON THE LOSS OF YOUR SON.

SOMETIMES IT IS SO HARD FOR US TO GET OUR THOUGHTS STRAIGHT, BECAUSE OF THE PAIN AND GRIEF THAT CLOUDS OUR THINKING.

GOD ISN'T UNFAIR, BUT THE THINGS THAT COME INTO OUR LIVES SOMETIMES ARE UNFAIR. WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THESE THINGS HAPPEN. WHAT WE CAN'T UNDERSTAND OFTEN LEAVES MANY QUESTIONS AND UNFINISHED BUSINESS IN OUR MINDS.

YOU DID WHAT YOU COULD FOR YOUR SON. YOU WERE THERE FOR HIM. TRY NOT TO BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
MAY YOU FIND PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING, SO YOU CAN HEAL. BLESS YOU.

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