Carmen

by Carmen
(Oklahoma)

I loss my first grandchild, one I was very close to in Oct 2010. He was 24 and had an accidental od. I was devastated, he was the apple of my eye, I was at a senior lunch center when they called me told me to go to the ER, but it seemed he had already passed when he mother and stepdad found him slumped over in his computer chair. My first reaction was no NO not Justin. I went to his grave and still do and I talked to him fussed at him cried at him told him I love him everytime at first I went every day. Now I go once a week about.
Then 14mo later my husband died of cancer in Dec 2011. We had been together 18yrs all together married 16 yrs. He was my rock my anchor. We had twin girls together they are now 15 yrs old. I am so angry at him for not listening to the dr to go get test earlier to stop smoking. He was a good man.
I dont know where to go from here I am 67 yrs old and I feel kinda loss with out Michael, I take care of the girls best I can I take care of the dogs and cats we have best I can and trying now to take care of me best I can which at times my best is not much. I dont know where to go from here, I dont know what to do from here. I feel lost and alone much of the time. Those two were the most important men in my life and now they are gone. I know I have to go on for the girls, but at times I feel I dont know how to.
I ordered the book back to life started reading it but at times just dont feel like reading. Its slow go.

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