by carrie

I lost my mom June 7th 2012 to suicide I think she did it to not be a burden on me. She was never a burden! the week before she cut 3 acres of grass ..she had planted a garden. but a friend of my mom told my sister they had a long phone conversation told her she felt isolated and alone. We lived on the same property and I saw her ever to every other day...but that week I went 2 days. I own a business and have been stress this last year and didn't spend the time I should have. After going trough her things I am pretty sure she couldn't use the phone anymore and looking in her re fridge I am pretty sure she had forgotten a lot about cooking...I saw my mom all the time ..why did I not see thiS. Tues I call and asked if she was ok ...she asked if I had a min ( for once I didn't have to go to work! ) she walked up to my house and gave me something that was her step dads ( clue # 1) we sat on the porch and she told me a story about me and her step father...she said you were a good girl you have always been a good girl.. Clue # 2 ...then she said well i should go...took 3 steps and said ..cookie ( step father) was a good man...why do good people have to die? ( clue 3)...that was my last conversation with my mom....Why did I not know something was wrong!

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Jul 21, 2012
Suicide is never the answer
by: Nancy

Carrie I want you to know that I come from a family that tends to think that suicide is the answer to everything and I can assure you that it is NOT. It is the most painful thing for the rest of us who are left behind wondering the what if or what could I or what should I or know ...We will never have the answer...Life doesn't always allow us to see the clues until after the final act has been committed and even then we really don't know for sure what went wrong. We hear stories how one person can take a bottle of pills and wake up with a bad headache and some one else do the same thing and die. Who decides who lives and who dies...I don't know..Some how I just came to the conclusion that when it is your time to go...God calls you home....I am sorry for your loss...I really hope that you do not accept any responsibility for your mothers actions because there is absolutely nothing you could have done to stop her. She made a decision and followed through with it. A sad one...just the same....My hope for you is that you get some good sound counseling for this and are able to work through this. A death by suicide is not as simple as it seems. I will be praying for you....

Jul 21, 2012
by: Anonymous

Carrie, I am sorry for the loss of your mother to suicide. It is sad that your mom felt so isolated and lonely and did not feel like life was worth living. Don't feel guilty that you should have picked up on the signs of how your mom was feeling. Mother's know they have to rear their children and then let them go on to live their own lives. The fact that you were in your mom's life at all she would have appreciated this. Mom's appreciate honour and respect. if you gave this then you fulfilled her need. Your mom was tired. I AM AT THIS POINT NOW. I would never commit suicide because of my FAITH. But I have tried in the past but never succeeded. I was always interuppted. I guess God wants me to live.
Saying this I DON'T WANT TO LIVE. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 10 weeks ago today from cancer.
I am now where your mom is. LIFE HAS NO PURPOSE.
My plan is to move and leave no forwarding address. I will be isolated. If I am to live I want to fill my life with new people. I hope life gets better for you and that you will lose the guilt and FOCUS on what you did for your mom and how she felt about you. In Life we will never do everything right all the time because we don't have perfect natures. We live in a fallen world. Mistakes and shortcomings are part of life. It is what we do about them that counts. We repent and try to put right any wrong where we can. We move on each new day trying to do our best and encourage others with HOPE and Love.

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