Carry you in my heart forever, Don, my 1st born

My Son, Donald, born to me, a 15 year old involved with someone immature at 19 who got me pregnant, but forced to marry and raise child. Unprepared but after early post-partum worked full-time and raised him. It was never easy, he was always angry and when I had a 2nd child at 25 he being a 9 year old, began to act out more noticeably. I took him to a psychiatrist who informed me he was bi-polar. He went thru many, many crisis before ending his life on 3-11 of 2011. He was found dead knowing that this time I was not available to rescue him having had biopsies and a sub-clavical port inserted for numerous visits to the emergency room with gastric paresis and IBS. I no longer have veins due to chemo having had breast cancer 19 years ago. I had been out with my Sister all day, and that evening she and her daughter showed up at my door to inform me that the officer was told I was sick, so he went to them. The next thing I know my Sis and her Son removed all contents of my Sons apartment, had me sign over his truck to her son, and left with comments on Mothers Day, of get over it. Haven't heard from them since. They walked out on me, and my Brother also. I took care of my mom 12 years before she died, they weren't there, I was forced to place precious grandchildren up for adoption after my daughter abandoned them right after my chemo, and I have rescued and been there for all of them in all situations. Now I realize the relationship I wanted to have was an illusion, and my son, alcoholic and bi-polar also knew and realized he couldn't go on. I go on, not sure why, or what to do next. Would move back to Fl. too expensive but would at least see grandkids, so sad. My heart is breaking. Anger won't go away, too many reminders in thinking of the past and what I could have done differently.

Comments for Carry you in my heart forever, Don, my 1st born

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Jun 21, 2011
Thanks for sharing
by: Anonymous

Thank you nice understanding people for sharing, it does help to know I am not alone, and not everything can be fixed even if the opportunity was there. I appreciate your kind words and will keep you and your loved ones in my prayers..

Jun 21, 2011
prayers
by: angel 4 ever

you are in my thoughts and prayers!!

Jun 21, 2011
hugs...
by: Anonymous

my heart goes out to you, that's just too much grief to bear. Praying for you... words fail me. HUGS...

Jun 20, 2011
OMG
by: Brenda

Wow we all make choices and it is ok if we can fix them we will if we cant you on the postive which i know it hard losing my son it has turned my world upside down and it sucks.iam his mom I should of been there,was he calling me.i think about that day everyday.My daughter is so messed on drugs she dont have her son.My granddaughter well she is 300pounds and 14 but my daughter is so messed up all she thinks is about herself,I see her so sad and she is so pretty,but when my son and daughter dad died after 3months of cancer,then my son died 90days later,and on there dads 55 birthday boy i was realy pissed,then my son just found out him and his wife was having a baby 1 week before.Then there dads side of the family I said no you were not coming no where near him after 34 yrs and now you want to come see him in his funural nope that not working i will call the police. Then just on his birthday 22nd of april my sister 53yrs old jump on my daughter 35 and my daughter wanted to put her in jail but she is mental.so a week later my daughter got a restrainning order on my daughter which she went and lied,she said God took my son becasue I was a bad mom,I drunk yes been sober 24yrs and 6months and 13days.i was a good mom.Did i screw up yes can i change it no.There is so much bull that i have been though in 2yrs since he died he would be pretty pissed off at my family.I dont know how much of this stuff makes since but i am here.

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