Carry you in my heart forever, Don, my 1st born
My Son, Donald, born to me, a 15 year old involved with someone immature at 19 who got me pregnant, but forced to marry and raise child. Unprepared but after early post-partum worked full-time and raised him. It was never easy, he was always angry and when I had a 2nd child at 25 he being a 9 year old, began to act out more noticeably. I took him to a psychiatrist who informed me he was bi-polar. He went thru many, many crisis before ending his life on 3-11 of 2011. He was found dead knowing that this time I was not available to rescue him having had biopsies and a sub-clavical port inserted for numerous visits to the emergency room with gastric paresis and IBS. I no longer have veins due to chemo having had breast cancer 19 years ago. I had been out with my Sister all day, and that evening she and her daughter showed up at my door to inform me that the officer was told I was sick, so he went to them. The next thing I know my Sis and her Son removed all contents of my Sons apartment, had me sign over his truck to her son, and left with comments on Mothers Day, of get over it. Haven't heard from them since. They walked out on me, and my Brother also. I took care of my mom 12 years before she died, they weren't there, I was forced to place precious grandchildren up for adoption after my daughter abandoned them right after my chemo, and I have rescued and been there for all of them in all situations. Now I realize the relationship I wanted to have was an illusion, and my son, alcoholic and bi-polar also knew and realized he couldn't go on. I go on, not sure why, or what to do next. Would move back to Fl. too expensive but would at least see grandkids, so sad. My heart is breaking. Anger won't go away, too many reminders in thinking of the past and what I could have done differently.