Cartoon chicks that wear glasses
(Denver, CO, USA)
Monday, our last conversation was about chicks that wear glasses. In particular, cartoon chicks that wore glasses. Right now, it is my lunch break, and I cannot seem to focus properly on anything. Last Sunday you started our conversation with, “have you ever lost anyone close to you?”. I had answered, “no”, and you went on to tell me about your grandma. (Such ironic topic of conversation considering what happened the next day.) It was not one of our more pleasant conversations, but I knew you did not deal with her failing health all that well, and the conversation was getting too depressing for either of us, and we quickly ended the conversation after I could not articulate how to respond to you. Well, if you asked me that question now, my response would be, “Yes, you”. Back to our stupid discussion on cartoon chicks that wore glasses, that was my last talk with you. I might now have an aversion to cartoons altogether for the rest of my life. We’ll see how that goes. I think I can remember that conversation so clear right now. We ended with you thanking me for taking your calls, and for talking to you. I told you that I would always take your calls during the day as long as I was not busy at the moment. It was a very rushed good bye because I had an incoming call. I should have said I love you, but we always felt uncomfortable saying that to each other because I was a girl and you were a boy. We only acknowledged it once, and that was after we made up after I yelled at you for doing something stupid.
Right now I’m beyond hurt and angry with you. My heart is broken. I have had heartache from a boy before, but not from losing my best friend. And this does not compare to a heartache from a boy. It is worse. I miss you so much right now. We had just gotten over the idea of you moving to Denver when your life got better situated. Ben even chimed in on that, and you agreed. Speaking of, Ben and Mik are not doing that great right now. Mik pissed me off yesterday when he wasn’t responding to me, but that was because he got so wasted he passed out. I easily blame that on you. If you can, contact him and tell him you are sorry, and make up before you take that journey up North.
Mark is a little confused on how to deal with me, I think. I loved that you adored him. It meant a lot to me that you liked the man I married. I guess I’m writing this to let you know that I need help on functioning the next few days. Your funeral is on Friday. I do not know how hard it is going to be, but if I’m barely functioning now, it is going to be rough when Friday comes. Tone, you left too early. You were NOT supposed to do that. You are supposed to be around for my kids to teach them Ultimate. You were supposed to watch me attempt at an Olympic trial. I am not the only one that had expectations from you, there are ton out there that did.
My lunch break is over, and I have to try and get some type of work done.
I think this will be just the first of many letters I send out to the world wide web of anything.