by Catherine K
I lost my beautiful daughter, Stephanie on November 15th 2011. She took her own life after struggling with bipolar disorder for 20 years. She was 42. My heart is broken and I feel it will never mend. Less than two weeks later, her Dad, my ex-husband, who I was still close to died after fighting cancer for two years. To lose both of them in such a short space of time was unbearable because I know each of them suffered because of the other's illness.
To make matters worse, we had lost our beloved son, Stephen at the age of 26 in 1997 and of course, all the old wounds have been reopened. When Stephanie died, I only had those two short weeks to comfort my ex-husband and I went over and found him dead. I think it was just too much for him after putting up a brave fight with the cancer.
Now, I think of both of them all the time. I can't stop crying and surround myself with Stephanie's things to make me feel closer to her.
I wish this terrible pain would go away. That I could fall asleep and when I wake up,all would be well again.
I have to go on as I still have my youngest daughter left and now it is just the two of us.
I feel like a failure as a mother to have lost two out of three children and just wish there was more I could have done to help them.
I am just praying that I will feel better one of these days but right now, it is unbearable.
I read some of the other stories of loss and I feel so bad because I know that other people are going through the same thing.
My Stephanie was a wonderful girl who did not deserve such a terrible mental illness and she tried so hard to beat it, always following doctors' orders and tried to work whenever she could.
I treasure a note she wrote me the last time she was in the hospital. She said " Mom, don't worry about me. Please be happy. Love, you, Steph.
I will miss her forever.