by Kelly

Just four months ago, our precious grandson was murdered by my son-in-law. He was only ten weeks old. He was missing for three days, the longest days of our lives. When he was found, of course the law enforcement stepped in and evidence collected, and we were never able to hold or see him for a last time. We placed him in his resting place and our lives changed forever.

I am not sure what stage of grief I am in. Everything is so difficult. My interests are few. I miss him and long to hold him one more time. I did dream of him recently. He reached for me and smiled. I picked him up and he felt so cold. I held him tight and woke up laughing and then sobbed. He really is gone and nothing will ever change that. I pray that some day the feeling of loss will not be so overwhelming.

Recently, a series of events led us to a meeting with the medical examiner who did the autopsy on my grandson. After he answered our questions about how he had died, we asked him why we were not allowed to see, touch or hold him. He was shocked by our question and said there was no reason. We should have been able to do all of those things. You see the funeral director had denied us these things for some unknown reason. He put impossible roadblocks in our way, and we finally accepted defeat.

Oh how I regret that. I should have fought harder. I didn't know my rights. It has added to the sense of loss and regret and I'm drowning in the what ifs, if onlys, and how could they?

Comments for Cecil

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Jan 21, 2011
by: silver girl

i lost my baby at 26 weeks. i officially had a still birth. i signed the death certificate and called him cecil.... i named him after my wonderful granddad who has also passed.... i hope all three of our cecils are together and are at peace and in no pain.... i am sending my love from one grief stricken woman to another, you are not alone.... xxheartxx

Feb 04, 2010
Love to You, Kelly
by: Lisa

Oh, Kelly. I'm so, SO sorry. Poor, dear Cecil. Sometimes life deals us such incomprehensible tragedies. Why? Why? WHY? The truth is, there's no answer to the "why?" It just happens.

May your family and friends provide you with a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. And speaking of crying: cry like crazy. It helps.

I lost my baby boy last week. I am grieving with you. You are in my prayers.

Love to you,
Lisa in New Mexico

Feb 03, 2010
I am so sorry
by: Anonymous

You have my deepest sympathy and I am really so very sorry for your loss. God bless and keep you always.

Jan 10, 2010
Dear Kelly
by: Anonymous

Dear Kelly, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandson. Your life will indeed be changed forever. In time, however, you will find yourself again, in this new life.

My young son died almost a year ago now and at four months, I was still in so much pain and anguish I didn't know how I could go on.

The pain is is still there and even sometimes the anguish. The immense sadness remains - some days in the forefront and on others it just sits deeper within me. It no longer totally defines me, however, as it did until quite recently.

It does get better. The sense of loss does not go away, but we learn to live with it and live again. Keep writing. Write a few angry letters (and don't send) to the funeral home. Write letters to everyone you're angry at (and don't send). Let the pain and rage out. You will eventually be able to address the injustice, if you so choose, in an appropriate and effective manner.

I highly suggest that you find a grief support group. These people know your pain as most others cannot. They can help you and you can help them. My nearly weekly attendance has saved my life and my sanity.

I wish you the best. A Mother

Jan 04, 2010
Angel Up In The Stars
by: Down Under

Kelly, my condolences to you and your family on such a loss. I can not even begin to imagine the pain, anger, hatred and every other emotion you must be feeling. To have your grandson come into your dreams so soon is a blessing, you obviously had a connection with him. Allow this to keep you comfort and do not be afraid to ask for him. As for the funeral directors, I would not let this rest, you should try to seek out your rights and stop this from happening to another family. I wish you all the best for the future Kelly. xox

Jan 03, 2010
by: Carol

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandson. God can help you with the pain. I know this is true, He is helping me. Just ask Him and have faith that he will. Your grandson is in heaven with him and if you believe, you will some day see him again. He won't take the pain away, we have to walk through it, but he will hold your hand and give you comfort.

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