Changed forever without my mum

by Maria

My mum died suddenly in August 2012. She had never been to a doctor in her life and was always on the go. I assumed she would live to be a very old woman not a young 63. She was the most caring mum and grandmother to my boys that you could ever imagine. I am an only child so I felt the force of her love all the time, her constant need to make sure I was ok, to do everything for me even if it was to her own detriment. So the first feeling I had was that the person who loved me most was gone. The person who loved my children as much as me was gone. Loneliness hit like a hurricane. Constant crying, afraid the crying would never stop. Fear was the next one. Fear I would have a breakdown. Then numb.. all over.. Just getting through the day for my children.
It has now been 8 months and I can honestly tell you than I am changed inside and out. I am a different person to whom I was before August 12th 2012. Dealing with the loss has been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Their have been moments of feeling that I had lost my sanity. Moments of fear that life was never going to be ok again.
Not having siblings made the loneliness worse because I felt that nobody understood, nobody else was her daughter so nobody else understood what I was going through. I had never wanted siblings more in my whole life.
But now something is starting to change in me. I am seeing this as a turning point in my life. A crossroads where I can accept that she is no longer on earth and she is looking down on me every day willing me to do better. The other option is keep feeling guilty for not realizing she was amazing, for not doing more for her, for being so wrapped up in my own busy life that I didn't know she was suffering.
Which option do you think she would want me to take?
Life can be a very long time and I know that something like this makes you question your mortality but we are only here once and when we are forced to dig deep and find our courage and strength a new you emerges ready to face anything. I believe that something good comes from everything and encourage you all to dig deep, find that strength and enjoy your life.
You know they want you to...

Comments for Changed forever without my mum

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Apr 24, 2013
I feel your pain
by: Lauren (England)

Hello Maria, I am so sorry for your loss. Your story sounds so similar to my own. I am 26 married with a beautiful daughter. Life should be amazing. However I lost my mum 5 weeks ago and I feel like a different person. I have lost my best friend. I am also an only child and this was so unexpected. I am hoping I reach this crossroads that you have come across further down the grieving process. I am broken, all I do is weep. I am scared I will never feel happiness again. I miss my mum so badly I ache. I am jealous of all my friends who have their mums and don't appreciate this small fact. Your story has given me hope that I will be able to come out of this. I know I will feel this way till I die but hopefully I can lead my life again although it will never be the same.

Apr 18, 2013
I understand
by: Recently bereaved daughter

Dear Maria, My sincere condolences on the loss of your dear mum.
I too have lost my adored mum recently and understand the shock, bewilderment and utter pain.
As an only daughter too I understand the very special bond you shared. My mum and I shared clothes, went to the hairdressers together and even enjoyed the same movies.
Unfortunately I do not share your opinion about if you had siblings it would be easier.
I have brothers whose wives never let them spend time with me (I have a disability) and never use to care for my beloved mum. Although without her three jobs none of them would have been able to go through university.
My mother also had a brother. She help financed him to be a doctor, was on the phone to him constantly when my cousin died tragically. For no reason at all he suddenly cut ties with her.
Before his death he confessed it was just snobbery.
So please count your blessings. Your children will bring you much comfort as you remember your mum is a part of them too.
With every good wish.

Apr 18, 2013
Changed forever without my mum
by: Doreen U.K.

Maria I am sorry for your loss of your mum. I know it is the very worst thing that can happen to you in life. The next is losing a husband like I did almost a year ago. We were married 44yrs.
I am a mum to 3 Adult Children, and I am almost 65yrs. Life is fragile at our age. But as a mum I know that the question you asked? Would be a positive one. Your mum brought you up with so much love and an amazing attitude to life that you can be positive and go on with your life because that is what Mums' do. They wouldn't want their children to grieve forever for them but to just honour them in remembrance.
WE have no choice but to go on in life and I am sure that you will find your way back into life and you will be happy again.
Being an only child will be difficult. But perhaps you may meet a good man and marry and inherit a large family in true Irish standard. I am Scottish and I have 5 siblings. They have been such a great support to me after losing my husband. They all showed up at our home and each day they brought food so everyone was fed and I didn't have to worry about this. They all took one item to phone up and handle for me. After a death there is so much to do and to put into place it is a nightmare. I can't believe I got through this. Losing someone close is the most unbearable pain I have ever felt and it does take time to Heal from this. Going through this is so very hard. But one day at a time we do get stronger. I have God on my side so He is the one who is getting me through the hard days. I wish you all The courage and strength for the future and may Life be good to you.

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