Cheated

by T.M.

Oh March 2nd, 2011 my phone rang at 11pm. I knew it wasn't good because my mother would never call so late. My grandmother had died. I lived next door to her for most of my 1st 25 years. The hardest part was that my husband was in transit returning from a month away for training. He was delayed for 2 more days. I felt so alone.
Just a week after I returned from my grandmother's funeral my husband called from work to tell me that they will be deployed in June for a year. This will be our 4th year-long separation.
I feel completely cheated. I should be mourning my grandmother and not dealing with the perceived loss and grief that comes with getting ready for a deployment. It all feels so unfair, especially given the fact that it is not everyone who is going. There were a selected handful of them chosen to go and he is one of them.
One more week passed since that news came and now he is away for training again. We don't even have time to prepare. It is like having another sudden loss. And again, I feel so alone because it is somewhat taboo to talk about these things in the military. We are supposed to be the strong ones.