Cherish the Moments
Billy's 50th Birthday
I heard words of love and happiness from Billy's daughter and soon to be husband. He wanted 1) a DeLorean and 2) a flux capacitor so he can go back in time to this past Friday and relive this amazing weekend with Rebecka they had in Big Bear. Young love growing. Then one of our old and dearest friends posted a picture of her soon to be grandchild. Life, love and the world moving on and I don't have anyone to talk to, to share the new's of life and I'm sad.
Billy was my best friend. We always said we didn't need anybody to go out with or do stuff because we had each other. They all laughed when we decided to move from California to Arkansas. They said Arkansas??? Yes we said because that's where he wanted to go. I would have moved to another planet and it would have been great because we had each other.
I know it's loneliness that's pulling at me. I understand but it still makes me sad.
I start my new job tomorrow. I feel good about this because as I've always said "I'm a people person" and being put into an office with no interaction with people was not for me. I'm back in the Wholesale Electrical business so I feel comfortable and know I can do this job.
Billy and I worked together for 7 years before he became disabled in the industry. They couldn't understand how and even his boss didn't realize until after 2 years that we were together. The trick was when I'm was in his office to much or just hanging around Billy would say "OUT>>>> go back to North Hollywood." I was North Hollywood and he was Century City but still in the same building. It was always a running joke.
I miss so much what I'll never have with him. Rebecka getting married and her 1st child. Jerad his son overcoming his issues and him missing my son Jerry's success in life.
So many little things everybody else takes for granite.
With the changing of my job's I did miss my first attempt at going to a support group meeting. But....
I did find another group that supports of a loss of someone and nothing more. No religion or legal issues. So I've set my calendar for the Wednesday night meeting and I'll see where that goes.
My heart is heavy and there are still tears but I know I'm moving forward. The heart wants what the heart wants....
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year