by Chickadee

Just now I have accidently come across this site.
Read a few stories been reduced to tears as is usual every day.
Here though I can see that others also feel the pain of their losses.
I am waiting to have bereavement therapy at present.
My most beloved father left us one year ago on 2nd March.
I was with him he was 89,he died of pneumonia.
I spent two days and nights talking to him whilst he was dying in his own bed at home.
Those moments I treasure forever and all of the most wonderful experiences spent with him.
The problem is one year later the hurt is still so raw I still cry nearly every day and feel quite obsessed with my father as he brought me up, he was also my mother
Many unhidden under handed events unfolded after his death which ended up that I was having frequent panic attacks.
Even now I cannot rest and don't feel that my dad can either because of the betrayal done to him whilst he was ill.
I love him so much I do feel I have a broken heart.
Well this is just a little part of how I feel so raw and very delicate.
Thank you for reading my story.


Comments for chickadee

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 19, 2014
by: chickadee

Thank you for taking the time to comment and tell me you also lost your father a year ago.
This makes me feel more normal.
I do hope this site can help me as I feel so desperate for someone to talk to with my strange
I know my father wouldn't want me to hurt so much.
I hear him saying,be strong.
I hear him saying other things too.
Anyway lets hope we can heal one day.

Feb 19, 2014
by: chickadee

Thank you, Doreen for your comments. Maybe this could be the way forward as comforting words mean so much.
We all have our own tragic memories to bear in life.
They say it will get better the hurt, but so far no it hasn't the pain eats away every day inside me.
I do go to work every day quite a workaholic because I am distracted from my thoughts whilst
kept busy.
For you Doreen I do understand cultural differences and ingrained doctrines.
Also I had to involve the police in my fathers last few months of his life.
My faith also held me together but my body is still reacting to the delayed stress.
I am sorry your husband died of cancer which I have experienced third hand being a carer.
Life can be so cruel for some.
Thank you again.
God bless you.

Feb 18, 2014
Dear Chickadee
by: Anonymous

I am sorry that you are struggling. I also lost my father a little over a year ago, and I am still fragile and my emotions are so raw. This site has helped me very much- everybody knows how you feel. I hope you can find some strength here and can begin to heal. Wishing you peace, Barb

Feb 18, 2014
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your father. I am so glad you will soon be having bereavement counselling. Best way to go especially if you are having panic attacks.
After a death so much can wrong within the family circle from relatives. this is a well known fact. I went through so much that was a nightmare. Had I not had a strong Spiritual belief in God I would have suffered more. my Faith pulled me through. This is the time you will know who will stand by you, and who will walk away.
My in-laws gave me such a hard time. I had to get the police to visit them so they would leave us alone. They were angry because they could not control the funeral and arrangement after my husband died of cancer 21 months ago. The nieces were the one's who gave the problems. Not happy that I inherited the house. WE were married 44yrs. and I think this is entitlement enough. The sad thing is my husband won't know how difficult life has been for me. He would not be happy about this. Thank God I live in the U.K. and not a country where I would have been overlooked and perhaps disrespected more. My husband knew that there would be problems from his side of the family due to the strong patriarchal family dynamics which is why he put things in place as much as he could to protect me. Things have calmed down but still difficult to a degree going through grief alone. I wish you better days ahead and all the best with your counselling. It will work if you get the right counsellor. If you don't feel supported ask to see the Supervisor of the organisation and tease out any difficulties. They will find you a counsellor suitable to you. I know how the system works. Even counsellors have to be supervised otherwise they would not be able to practice. Best wishes.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!